Live your best life

You can’t play when you’re vigilant. You can’t play when you’re anxious. You can’t play when you’re fearful.  Where desire is lacking, it is due to the trauma of being punished in some way for following your desires. Being scolded, reprimanded, restricted, unmet, when you return from your exploration of the world. So naturally, one learns to sacrifice their freedom for the sake of connection. There is love, responsibility, stability, security... but there is no desire, no mystery, no play. Because where there is desire, there cannot be the responsibility for the feelings of the other.  So the task becomes to reconcile the two concepts. To get in touch with yourself, your identity, your wants, and remain connected, and be a loving partner. To separate and come together. To bring back to life the romance that lies dormant while you are taking care of responsibilities. This is the challenge of long term relationships.  I find it is harder where there is trauma i...

Trust is closely tied with respect and rooted in an underlying assumption of the competence and reliability of another.  People who practice attuning to one another build and repair trust more quickly.  A wareness  T urning toward T olerance of differing viewpoints U nderstanding N on-defensive response E mpathy

Grace is the little voice that holds you back from saying or doing something you'll regret later. Grace is what shows up  when you need it the most and transforms a difficult moment into something better.  Perspective and gratitude are the keys to a happy life. When you can go from living your life from a space of not having or being enough to being grateful for and appreciating what there is, you have learned the secret of life.  When things don't match up to your expectations, accept them, and allow them to impact you. Risk the pain. Stay open. This is when grace will come in. This is when you need to find gratitude. 

Kind Respectful Vulnerable Consistent Affectionate Positive Communicative Attentive Pleasant Admirable

Skies of gray reflect in your eyes No matter how hard I try I just can’t look away Please turn your back on me And let me breathe again This love, it hurts It burns up inside How much of my life Can I destroy? You have the parts of me no one else does You say you want love But that’s a lie You just want pleasure And I’m glad to oblige What can I say to stop the chase? I’m no good for you But you have to know If I could stop time, I’d stay here forever with you Leftover shards Bits of my soul Torn apart by those before You opened my eyes You opened my soul So I could finally close the door On a past filled with pain Without the fear of it returning again And now here I am Unbound and whole Wishing I wasn’t held back once more Ever so close Always so far Falling apart

Is there really a beginning and an end to everything? I’d like to think there are exceptions. It’s rare, but sporadically, time becomes a fluid continuum: an always and a never simultaneously. Sort of like when two people collide and they’re not sure if it’s the first time they ever met or the last and they are frozen in a moment for all eternity. There is a complete lack of definition when you lose yourself and all notion of the world around you, as you find yourself wondering where one person ends and the other begins.

Come close Now come closer Hold me Take me away from here Love my wild heart And do not tame it Meet me Run away with me You either know or you don’t I can’t explain it Grow with me Let me bloom in your presence Be still with me Bring me peace, show me calm Make it with me Let’s prove everyone wrong Overthink it with me Embrace the beauty Let’s dance in the moment Create magic with me Play with reality Bind yourself to freedom with me Exhale with me Erase every fear Forever with me Be who you want to be.

Sometimes I think I dreamed you up But then again, you’re older I’d begun to think you can’t exist But that’s only when I’m sober You came along and surprised me In a place so unexpected,  In a way so unforeseen Somehow all you do just works for me You’re a real life dream The hardest for me was that night When I drank too much cause I was scared And you sang up on that stage All I could do was compare What I had to what you gave It all pales beside you I can’t see anyone but you I’m drawn in to the things you do And how artfully you do them. I never thought this love would come And now it’s here So soon it’s done.

It can turn back the years It can rewrite the past It turns the muddiest clear It makes feelings last I’m wishing today Upon any star That magic’s coming my way That it’s never too far Even when I found it And discovered its art Magic still holds the power To bring hope to my heart Whether everyday magic Or a once in a lifetime spark It’s here all around us And it will leave a mark But the magic within us Is my favorite kind It cannot be replicated And we don’t leave it behind So hold on to your magic Make it your own And when you find another Make it your home.

Just because I wander Doesn’t mean I’m lost Sometimes you must sieze the moment And go on that adventure To find out where you belong Just because I don’t silence The dreamer deep inside Doesn’t mean I don’t know The purpose of my life That voice inside is who I am Only when I cross that line Is when I start to live Only when I face my fears Is when I begin to breathe Everything I’ve ever wanted Is just on the other side The catch is am I brave enough To risk it and decide To go after what makes me feel alive What could I have? What could I do? Without the fear of failure Without being rejected How much would I pay For everything I’ve ever dreamed of? How badly do I want it

It never ends with you It’s never enough Each time is better than the last I fall for you, over and over again I can’t help it, or prevent it I don’t care to try Why would I? Nothing’s ever been as right as you and I When your lips touch mine The world melts away I lose myself in you But you don’t let me give myself away The most terrifying thing is not how free I am with you But that reflected back is the same look from you How perfectly balanced, completely attuned How made for me, and right for you How does one say goodbye To something that’s so true When I can’t stand the though Of never seeing you It hurts me physically to be apart from you The sun sets and rises each time I am with you.

I had a dream about you last night again We jumped off a cliff together Holding hands, terrified and so alive I’ve never known such freedom Not in real life We plunged into the freezing water We screamed and laughed as we came up for air We were completely alone A dark forest behind us It was almost dark The orange horizon was fast approaching I remember not wanting to leave My teeth were chattering But your chest was so warm As you held me against you Looking out over the water together The whole world, still, before us My heart was pounding My mind was racing But as usual, your warm, strong embrace Gave me the settled peace my soul longs for I gazed up at you Wishing we never had to look away Because I could hold your gaze for all eternity Have you ever felt this way? But then I woke up.

Someone is sobbing. Or raging uncontrollably. Or talking so fast you can't even get their attention if the building was on fire. As someone who is married to a highly reactive individual, here are my tips for dealing with emotionally charged moments: 1. Stay calm. If one of you is operating from a prehistoric fear - that doesn't mean the other needs to respond in the same way. 2. Don't try to rationalize why they shouldn't feel this way, or act this way, or yell about the seemingly insignificant detail that's got them worked up. Just don't. You will think it, and want to say something. You must resist. 3. Ask them (kindly) to speak more slowly, so you can understand. Notice I didn't say "stop yelling" - that doesn't work. "Calm down", "relax" or any other variation are actually more infuriating than saying nothing at all. 4. Let them know you're on their side. You can say "I want to help", or "I get...

You give me something no one else can give You make me brave So that I think We could make something out of this Life could be so beautiful But I shouldn't think like this And yet, I've never felt so seen So thoroughly understood You meet me where I stand And lead me to a higher ground Just by being you. Your gaze pierces through me You unearth me. I trust in every word you breathe Your heart has earned my fealty It's sometimes hard to breathe When you're there beside me Thrilling but also comforting I lean into you so effortlessly I never worry anymore If I'm choosing right Or thinking straight You're the best bet I could ever make I like you on the inside as much as out I like your heart, your mind, your actions too I understand your pain I know about your fears I see the broken parts that you try to hide I've never cared like this Not really on the inside I'm selfless now and unafraid Finally - I know how it feels to lov...

It's not the years that stand between us It's not the choices that we've made It's not the people we belong to It's not the hearts that always break It's nothing like we're used to It's so surreal to think That the people we've turned into Are too afraid to dream I'd wait a lifetime For a moment here with you But where would you be in hinsight If you only knew? We're missing out on freedom We're running out of joy We're lacking hope within us We're almost out of time I cannot see the end here How about you? I can't put this behind me I wouldn't even want to.

Tonight I want to thank the universe that you exist. I choose you and I choose this. I want to build you up. Put your insecurities to rest. You are incredible, wonderful, the absolute best. You're a light. My world shines brighter because of you. I'll say it first. I'll love too much. You are a gift. Please believe me, cause it's true. A gift to me, to us, to you. Tonight I'm here to listen to your point of view. I want to hear your opinions, your cares and visions too. Tonight you will be wanted. Tonight you will be loved. For all of the above and for no reason at all, than simply because I'm me, and you are just so perfectly you.

Two hearts in two separate rooms Distance - seen and unseen Silence beneath the mindless chatter Coldness underneath the skin Mechanical motion Perpetually there But never the smooth flight Of a bird impatient to reach its nest. The right words are spoken But they do not resonate Reaching out and never finding what you seek The unknown that lives within Never to be explored The language that you speak Never to be understood Fear won't embark on a journey Fear is unwilling to try Fear won't make the small, quiet pleas That are left unanswered in the night Needs unmet Like hunger, unsatisfied Freedom, But with it loneliness That eats away at the joy inside A heart untouched by reason A mind untouched by love Passion unattained Failing to unite Struggling to regain A small semblance of hope. Aching for romance Dreaming for a change Unable to leave Unable to breathe Hold me tight, but let me go Trying harder than we should And still, a resoun...

Have you ever dreamed of a soul that answered your heart's call? Or have you lived resigned that it does not exist at all? A soul approached, saw deep within me, and came closer yet. One who made me remember, one I could not forget. Is it not worth it to risk everything to turn fear into trust? The alchemy that could eradicate loneliness Is the balm to soothe my broken heart I never thought it could be strictly positive The love and admiration of another I never knew such mutuality A connection of increasing fervor with every encounter Do you believe there is someone out there who can clearly see, just what you need, and respond in the most perfect way? How comforting to find intimacy, after so much distance What a thrill to finally feel passion What a delight to find another to play with, to create And the romance that shone a light over a dull horizon Has now turned into anticipation A dance of peace and calm and balance that brings only satisfaction How tender...

I want to be the warm, safe haven where you lay your head That's the thanks for breathing life into my soul, when I thought it all but dead I want to celebrate the depths we swam together The empowerment and joy it gave us both I want to always remember the fierce spark That lives within us and lights the way. Maybe it was just a moment Maybe it's with us forever It keeps replaying back to me the deepest longings of my soul And I know, unequivocally, I will no longer endure, simply for the sake of enduring. But I will give it my all. I will show up in my rawest form, at my most vulnerable, tentative and free. That's what this did to me. Once in a lifetime there's a feeling like you've never known before You can choose to let it in or simply shut that door I am not so brave to say I'm unaffected by something so unexpected I'm not so wise to have no fear of the struggle between safety and intimacy. But I am awake now. I am in the here and n...

I love you first, you love me last I love you present, you love me past I love you here, you love me there I love you selfish, you love me shared I love you best, you love me most I love your song, you love my words I loved you long, you loved me strong I love us two, you loved me one I love you to remember, you love me to forget I love you on a risk, you love me on a bet I love you in silence, you love me in sound I love you freedom, you love me bound I love you in passion, you love me in peace I love you as a whole, you love me as a piece. I love you in moments, you love me in years I love you forever, you love me no fear. I love you in tears, you love me with smiles I love you adult, you love me child I love you heaven, you love me hell I love you hard, you love me well. I love you awake, you love me in dreams I love you dirty, you love me clean.

When you're given an out and you don't take it When it hurts and you don't feel right But you still fake it When you give more than you get And you swear you won't forget What does it mean When you're standing on the sidelines looking in? When there's miles and miles and miles that stand between Us, but we pretend Where does it lead? No right to ask for more No chance to shut this door When you say you want more Than you can possibly give What can anyone believe? When this all rides on a feeling When committment's all been claimed When you're not living but just dreaming How can you go on just the same? When you're not the top priority Though that's where you say you want to be Just look at me, what do you see? If not enough, then let me be.

Connection isn't measured by the ticking of a clock or the slow and steady passage of years Neither is it defined by proximity or convenience It comes along and shakes things up It lights a fire in your soul and you let it guide you, and teach you, whatever the cost. It's the communion of like-minded souls Coming home to one another after a lifetime apart It's a transformation that tears you up Leaves you breathless, then renders you whole. We find it where magic and depth converge, and there We are overcome by feeling with a profundity of meaning. I yearn for the essence of you That brings out the fullness of me Each timeless encounter is where I am changed When lips meet When conversation flows Even in silence Even apart Terrifying and agonizing Inspiring and calming Joy and pain Courage and fear Laughter and lust

Here is my true self Standing before you Tender and shy Will you accept it Or do you reject it Will something inside me have to shrivel and die Do you need me to put on a show False facades have failed me before I need you to love me whole I don't want safety and acceptance That's based on illusion Only my true self needs love The kind of love that's from above Deep intimacy is what I look for And I can bear to be vulnerable If that's what you're made of Please join me, my dear Come feel with me here. I can master my fear, I can take the leap But will you be there Or will I be left standing alone in a heap? It's worth the pain if it means I can love, and be loved again I'm done with being lonely The emptiness is too much I'm ready to accept that my worth is No reason to be ashamed No reason to hide You can't have intimacy without attention Can't get close when there's always distraction Can't find comfort wit...

If the world stopped now I'd reach out to you You're the only thing I know is true All the joy in my heart belongs to you You're all that feels right and good When I met you, all I needed Was to be present, here with you And now that I know you, It's just so easy to say goodbye to expectations, because you surpass imagination. Take your time, I'm in no rush I've got all the patience love can bring Freedom overcomes possession Happiness trumps jealousy Only desire guides my action And that alone brings satisfaction I had hoped it would be you No one does it quite like you. I see you and it restores my faith Misunderstood genius in how you operate The way you connect is so elegant I want to share your journey Ready to help, ready to seek. No more right, and no more wrong No more victims, no one to blame Just me to soothe all of your pain A pure appreciation of all you are and all you do, the wonder that is you As is. No conditions,...

The mind wanders to those who inspire our deepest feelings when we're among the trees and the water, the still snow and burning sun. In the light of the moon our souls rise up in search of the ones that matter, that move us. It's who you find inside your thoughts when there is only peace and quiet: that's who you love. Not the person you call when you're lonely - that's a friend. Not the person you seek out when you're horny - that's lust. Not the one you think of after a sappy movie - that's infatuation. The one you see in all these places, the one who remains always in your mind, always in your heart, always around. You love the one who converses with you in the silence of the forest, in the ripples of the water, the one who walks beside you in the sand. It is their smile you see in the early morning sky and the warm body you miss when you're sitting alone in front of the fire. That's your person, don't let them go.

A lot can happen in 17 days People will be born People will die Children will learn new skills And adults will change a habit Two people could fall in love Or even fall apart I guess, objectively, 17 days Is not such a long time Just two weeks of work And 3 weekends People can keep busy They can reflect and relax They can see new things And grow to appreciate old ones It's just enough time to get used to something Or to decide it won't do at all And so I wait for your return And whatever it may bring I'm preparing myself for anything And soothing feelings of longing Here in the in-between But what I know won't alter Is the feeling deep within The one I'm afraid to utter The one that can't be seen And I allow the smallest piece of me to hope That deep within you there's another such immovable thing.

Five days turning into six Nothing's broken but I need a fix Finding new drinks I can mix The clock maddeningly ticks Just like this... Not sure I can make it through this. Five days turning into six Lackluster and meaningless Waiting for a heart I miss The absence of a perfect kiss Just like this... I know that I don't like this. Five days turning into six I miss our uncertain bliss Memories that I dismiss Getting lost in the abyss Just like this... How do we live like this?

Look into my eyes and smile Follow me with your gaze Come and stand beside me Drink in my scent Graze my arm with yours And let yourself breathe out You're safe here by my side Talk with me about everything And nothing at all Laugh, and cry with me Share a meal with me Hold me close and cherish me. Touch my hand as we walk together Write me words of love Lose yourself in my embrace And find out what I'm worth Kiss like it's the first time, the last time and the best Take me away with you And show me all the rest.

I'm just the mounted head Displayed above your bed I'm just the memory Of who you used to be No man lets himself be led Unless his heart's already dead Are you here for me There's still so much more to see These words remain unsaid They're all stuck in my head Just call this a distraction A mutual satisfaction It's just a reverie Nightmares won't let me be.

There's so much to explore here A whole lifetime of you and me. Endless questions to get To the bottom of who you were Who you became And who you're meant to be. Timeless years of all I have to give Given so happily, so selflessly We aren't done here Your soul is crying out for me And I can hear it in my sleep I could spend forever answering, encountering it. What we thought would be Pales in comparison to the unity That we discovered lies between you and me A personal conversation Between two who cannot get enough A constant struggle to touch one another And get closer, never close enough. A passion for the same life For freedom, for creativity Run away with me And see what possibilities Life has in store for us. We could spend a lifetime Drawing each other in We could wait In patient friendship For time to make some sense of this.

If I could, I'd take all the pain Make it so you never feel lonely again Regardless of what it did to me If I had to give you up, so you could be happy But the problem is, I'm not sure what it is you need Unrequited love is always agony But is that you or is that me? This distance is a travesty But do you want to be next to me? Not sure I can take the liberty. I'd give my life to see you smile Take away the pain even for a little while You think I'm like a child But I've seen you break out of this sad reverie And what I saw still touches me I wonder, what do you see, when you look at me? You're so easy to love And I'm not hard to please You're so ready to give And I'm so eager to put you at ease. The truth is I've never been good at sharing I like to fully possess It's not selfish, maybe call it insecurity I don't like to be second best My heart can bleed much longer Than some people can breathe And so you se...

I had a vision of us Sitting together on a dock Our souls in conversation Relaxing in Adirondack chairs I saw us laughing and splashing in the water Ducking below the surface Chasing each other underwater The ends of my wet hair splashing your face I could see the little droplets And feel the chill as I came up for air Your voice ringing out over the water Carefree and joyful. I peeked at us soaking up the sun And listening to music on a boat Drinking glasses of red wine And holding each other tight A perfect picture of us by the fire that night Roasting sticky mashmallows That you smeared all over my mouth An excuse to playfully lick them off Culminating in a passionate kiss. There's a vivid image of our bodies Intertwined in a warm blanket Watching the sun go down over the water As we whisper our deepest desires, Our darkest fears, and our most heartfelt secrets. Each a more beautiful sight than the last Each enough to inspire a lifetime Of joy, ...

Inevitable - How did this start? How did we get here? Tell me - Did we cross a line? Or was this always there just waiting to be revealed? Falling so hard, yet Lifted so high Now we're suspended mid-air. Where to go next? Can we reverse? Or do we just slowly fade? There's no destination This is a lifelong expedition And a beautiful exploration. What else can we do? When I can't be with you And you need to be with her But neither of us can start anew The lies we tell ourselves To hide the hope inside The comforting pretense Of these suffocating lives.

Mesmerized by thoughts of you Can't help but dream of what you do You face, your name, your words Come to me at all hours of night and day They will not stay away. A burning desire to know you What you think, and who you are I can't bear it when you're far And yet, you're never too far away You haunt me when I close my eyes You can't imagine the surprise When I feel it all the same As I'm wide awake Face flushed a perfect shade of pink I can't help but wonder what you think Your body tells me what I do Unravelled self-defenses. An alluring intensity A megawatt smile Beguiled, arrested By your silent promise. You always have enough to give That generous heart Captivates and enchants So much so that when you're gone There's just a void Where warmth and comfort usually live.

You can take my home You can claim my land You can push me in a corner But you must understand: You can never take the love Pounding through my veins You can never take the lyrics Dancing through my brain I'm not yours I'm not insane You will never break me Simply using pain I've learned to love And that's enough To transform all hurt Back into love There's a joy inside me Coursing through my blood And feeds the hunger That you starve of love I've a million pieces Trying to fit back And they'll draw a rainbow That'll never fade to black.

One day when we're nothing but stardust Celestial frequencies will croon about us And my molecules will go out in search of you Maybe you'll orbit my hemisphere Ablate tragically into my atmosphere And be gone with the very next moon You'll be a satellite, always on the periphery I'll be crying meteor showers of misery Ill fated by a merciless, sky-written destiny Always meant to meet, never to fully be? But for those few eternal moments That we dare not waste We'll dance freely Weightless in outer space Shine some light into this deep, dark place We thought we could deflect the asteroids But there's a belt of them coming here soon We're a binary system, two stars Revolving around the gravity of this moon The craters on our surfaces, they betray The past lives apart, that we may Have spent eons ago So let's take it slow - this time around Let's make a beautiful constellation That they can see in a future generation Befor...

I do not know what comes next But I know I am prepared I won't forget how I've been blessed I won't throw a piece of this away Tomorrow is a better day Because of you. There will always be room inside My heart for the likes of you And always there's a spot in My life, if you ever need to. You showed me everything I am You gave me everything I need With you inside my soul How could I not succeed? Thank you for the joy Thank you for the laughter The early morning calls and The nights spent pining after For all the treasured words And all the lessons learned For all the kindness shared And for every reach returned. I take it all with me I take it in my heart As I wish I could take you Always. A different time A different place How right it would have been This thing that can't be wrong Because it healed me within Joy, care and respect Defined our deep connection I promise, since it's all I can do To do our story justice.

First you light it Then you send it First you fight it Then defend it You won't admit it But you can't end it You say you can't share it But you're willing to lend it And while you straighten it You think of how to bend it I think you finally understand it But you still pretend it How long does that last? Not more than a moment When your eyes betray your heart And your body, traitorous fool Isn't capable of ignoring this And your mind, it gives no rest, But replays every single little death When her heart stops beating And the world is at rest All you can see is her And you're at your best You hear all her words You dream of what you'd do If only people knew How it torments you You feel shacked This prison can't be escaped And so it's better to just miss her Than for this to be erased.

We said everything was perfect Until your body, pressed on mine Turned into cold, hard marble Which buried me inside. Rolling over, six feet deep, The thick, dry dirt is comforting It muffles the sound of my cries So no one can hear me scream The flowers growth right through me In my everlasting sleep Can't you see the beauty That lies rotting in this heap? The angry river washed over me Drowning all my youth An oblivious plunge into a watery grave Cleansing me of hope With the harshest waves of truth And the wings that should have lifted Are now burning up beside me Fickle ashes falling down Drifting aimlessly. And I kiss the earth surrounding Filling my mouth and suffocating I breathe it in, and it sucks the life out of me This sickening hunger, never abating Pull that trigger now Watch the flood of red petals Deliver me from this powerlessness Made by those words That shot out like metals. And those false, loving hands Wound tightly around m...

I get drunk off your cantation Your melody's a sip of gin But when you gaze in admiration That's when I can't hear the din You inspire every narration That ends up in the bin And I'm the object of your fixation That you just can't quite pin I'd like to trace the constellations All over your skin You won't talk about cessation You say it's not a whim I could cross every nation Wait out this planet's spin But there's no likely destination I could forget you in And you - you'd wait a generation To find me once again. Determined to endure temptation No we're not giving in We're a viable conflation Of two hearts merged in sin Hoping to avoid damnation And not let attraction win.

The killing of a heart Murdering of a soul Tearing love apart Rendering me whole Hold me here eternal Cry out in my mouth Now I am unbroken Forgetting I am mortal Persuaded to this danger So passionately masochistic Seduced not by a stranger By a familiar mouth covered in my lipstick What a melancholy reality This despicable virtue A perforated entity More than we can hold on to. The loss and return of reason The pain and love spun in this cocoon A romance lasting just one season A hurt that returns with each moon Do you dare risk it? Can you hold the truth? It might all be worth it To hold on to your youth When everything is magic When a dream comes true When you need, not want to have it When a gaze has staged a coup How much you can ignore How much you'll overcome When a heart can be so sure And a mind can be so dumb

Where'd you find the blueprint of how to love my body? We must be made of the same substance, for you to know just where to go and what to do. How did you learn to tap into the furthest recesses of my mind? Your eyes have burrowed through me, hitting molten core. Have you been here before? Who taught you how to read me? Am I an open book, or do you just know where to look? Sometimes I swear you know me better than I do, you're the reflection of all I need to know. When did you cross the thinnest line that took you into my soul? I welcomed your invasion and now my privacy is your claimed territory. Why do you hold the map to this heart you can't possess? But maybe that's the answer. Freedom leads to never-ending bliss. Your interest and curiosity take nothing for granted. You have searched me and not found me wanting. You navigate the space between us like it's a dance, an art. You've captivated me - no matter where I go, and what I do. It...

I've always wanted more That's my undoing I'm too afraid of standing still So I keep on moving Losing myself in perpetual motion I've been here before This time is different I won't rush to the next open door. Better than before. Liberated by the wisdom Of taking time; this is my time Looking before I leap Breathe in, release.

If you know me, you know I'm not really the Scripture-quoting kind. But I had a bizarre dream last night that I let go of someone I truly love, knowing that to have half of them was not really loving them at all. I was willing to suffer the heartbreak of giving up, for the happiness of another. The pain was agony, and yet the love overpowered it. It reminded me of the two women who came before the king, both claiming the baby they were fighting over was their own. And Solomon, to help settle the matter, asked for a sword to cut the baby in half. The true mother, who would rather lose her son than see him killed, gave him up. If you cannot have someone without hurting them, you must let them go. That is to love. I often write about love devoid of pain - but I realized last night, I am not referring to love that is devoid of suffering. I mean the type of love that takes great pains not to hurt the object of their affection. Sometimes, that requires the pain of sacrifice. In t...

Some days it feels like I'll spend the rest of my life trying to get over whatever this was, whatever this is. Yesterday I felt whole again, even though I found it hard to breathe whenever something made me reminisce. These days silent tears betray the smile. Today I wish time would stand still for a while. One day I want to go back and rewrite what was past. Other days I accept defeat and refuse to return to that. Most days I feel my insides turning brittle, and the slightest touch could shatter me. Every day I long for a better tomorrow, with renewed hope, and no sorrow.

Everyone has a to-do list for you. Yours is the only one you are responsible for.  You may want to help.  You may think you *should*.  You may think someone will get upset.  You may even feel *guilty*.  Say no anyway (politely - no one likes a spaz). But say no, so you can say yes to the things you've committed to and to the priorities you've thoughtfully determined.  Other people's agendas are just that - theirs. Own yours. And remember this exact same principle when you yourself are treading dangerously close to the boundaries of others. 

I think we've all, unfortunately, been guilty of this at one point or another. We turn to others in our moment of need (which is beautiful and vulnerable and necessary) but we end up using people to make ourselves feel better. Love that doesn't hurt starts with approaching relationships from the perspective of what we have to give instead of what we want to get. Treating everyone with kindness and respect means we recognize the inherent worth of a person regardless of what they do or give.

Who do you need to be in order to have what you want?  First, you set an intention. From there on, you need to make each choice and action and interpretation in order to get to this future you have envisioned. Destruction before creation is to be expected. You will have lessons, pains and disappointments but they're not a bad thing. Everything will prepare you to love better, but you must be willing to learn, to change, and most importantly to open yourself up to the miracles intended for you. The journey is all about being self reflective. Do you keep walls up? How do you block intimacy? Are you afraid to take a risk? How does fear prevent you from experiencing love? If you pick people who are emotionally / physically or psychologically unavailable, is that because you are unwilling to be fully available yourself? Have you cultivated the resources within to be strong and wise enough to be consistently available? Crossing the street is only safe if you know what to look...

I liked the movie. I liked the honesty of the cold, calculated manipulation. I liked how sex was used as a weapon. I liked that the focus was on exploiting the weaknesses of others. I liked the revenge. I liked the pain. I liked the violence. I did not like the ending. It wasn't realistic. People do not love like that in real life. I wish you had told me it was a romance. I don't watch those anymore. They always make me cry. And after this, I would rather stop feeling altogether.

I wanted to be a journalist.  I had high hopes of changing the world, one meaningful story at a time. Sharing our stories, throughout time, has been so closely linked to connecting, to loving, to learning, to creating, to growth, and to improvement, that it is and will forever remain absolutely necessary.  A lot has changed since I was 15:  I'm older I work in healthcare now I am more disillusioned by and skeptical of news media Sensationalism and social media frenzies prevail over decency and true activism One "truth" is often promoted over all others I question the ethics behind news operations more frequently than I would wish.  But my optimism, hope and love of storytelling have remained. I'm a storyteller and interviewer at heart and I bring that with me to every job, new endeavor, and encounter with others.