Live your best life

You're easy to control when you don't know what you want and you're not sure what you deserve. Someone will come along and use you as a means to their end. You'll help them feel better about their own insecurities. This will trap you in a cycle of trying to build an identity through meeting their needs and making them happy. You'll become, at best, 'medicine' for that person or at worst, a DIY project.  If you're wondering if this is you, ask yourself: Will this person still care about me and treat me lovingly if I don't do what they want?  Will they respect my desire to change this relationship dynamic?  How much of my interactions with this person revolve around me compromising my own needs in order to meet theirs? Am I often 'wrong' or 'at fault' and responsible for 'fixing' their mood?

"Perfectionism is just fear in haute couture shoes." - Elizabeth Gilbert, Author of "Eat, Pray, Love" There are two basic fears in relationships: Fear of abandonment – stemming from inconsistent or dismissive responses from those who were supposed to love you as a child Fear of engulfment – stemming from intrusive over-management and controlling criticism from your caregiver These fears will manifest in different ways. Are you aware of how your fears are shaping the way you show up in your relationships? Someone with a fear of abandonment will have an anxious attachment style, constantly seeking confirmation that they are loved, accepted, important. Consistent responses from a partner will help them feel more secure, but it will be a long, arduous journey. There is necessary personal work that needs to happen for this person: namely the development of an inherent self-worth, compassion and self-soothing and learning stop hustling so much for the ...