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The wisdom of King Solomon

If you know me, you know I'm not really the Scripture-quoting kind.

But I had a bizarre dream last night that I let go of someone I truly love, knowing that to have half of them was not really loving them at all. I was willing to suffer the heartbreak of giving up, for the happiness of another. The pain was agony, and yet the love overpowered it.

It reminded me of the two women who came before the king, both claiming the baby they were fighting over was their own. And Solomon, to help settle the matter, asked for a sword to cut the baby in half. The true mother, who would rather lose her son than see him killed, gave him up.

If you cannot have someone without hurting them, you must let them go. That is to love. I often write about love devoid of pain - but I realized last night, I am not referring to love that is devoid of suffering. I mean the type of love that takes great pains not to hurt the object of their affection. Sometimes, that requires the pain of sacrifice.

In the Bible, the rightful mother receives her son in the end. In life, I'm certain that whatever is meant to be will make its way back to you. And if it doesn't, it was never yours to keep. When I was in my early 20s, I was engaged. It was a long distance relationship that had gone on for a few years and my fiance was ready to be together. However, he was not willing to move. I was finishing university, and that mattered to me tremendously. I don't think he understood how much it mattered to me because he asked me to drop out and come live with him. I spent years wondering what would have happened if I had done that. But after last night's dream it became crystal clear to me that if he truly had loved me, he would have never asked that of me. He would have suffered another year, and sacrificed, in order to give me what I truly needed. And if he had done that, the story I write now would have been different. But he was selfish. And love is not selfish.

I know this because I know how it feels to give up the thing you want most, the thing you waited your whole life for, the thing that makes you feel most alive, in order to give someone what they truly need.

But what about the other side? Are the people with the needs selfish? Are they the ones who do not truly love? Maybe. Maybe they are not willing to sacrifice. But when you love, that does not matter. You will make the sacrifice for them regardless of whether they are willing to do the same for you.

I hope in this life everyone has the chance to truly love, and to be truly loved in return (hopefully at the same time). How magical it must be at the same time.

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