To call in the one, be the one

Who do you need to be in order to have what you want? 

First, you set an intention. From there on, you need to make each choice and action and interpretation in order to get to this future you have envisioned.

Destruction before creation is to be expected. You will have lessons, pains and disappointments but they're not a bad thing. Everything will prepare you to love better, but you must be willing to learn, to change, and most importantly to open yourself up to the miracles intended for you.

The journey is all about being self reflective.

• Do you keep walls up? How do you block intimacy?
• Are you afraid to take a risk? How does fear prevent you from experiencing love?
• If you pick people who are emotionally / physically or psychologically unavailable, is that because you are unwilling to be fully available yourself? Have you cultivated the resources within to be strong and wise enough to be consistently available?
• Crossing the street is only safe if you know what to look for and how to proceed. Have you prepared yourself for a relationship?
• Do you harbour resentment for the past? Are you unable to forgive, to forget, to overcome pain?
• Do you know how to repair disconnection? Do you know how to heal wounds? Or do you simply withdraw and let them fester?
• Have you made good agreements with yourself?
• Do you set and respect your own boundaries or do you co-create a toxic dynamic of giving away your power in order to remain bonded to someone?

How do you choose a partner? 
You can have someone who checks off all the marks on your list of requirements and have a bad connection. If you know and accept yourself fully, you will not expect perfection in another.
You should define the type of connection you seek based on how it makes you feel on a visceral level. Do you feel more alive, more safe, more understood, more heard, more you around someone? Do you feel inspired, happy, excited, and protected? Seek these feelings.

How do you identify in another person if they are along for the ride to grow and shift together?
People do not accurately self report. Early on, you can look for the ability to reflect on past experience and what responsibility they take for their part of dynamics. Pay very close attention to how their words and actions align. Where do they spend their energy? How do they contribute when it's time to help, to support, to be relied on? How well can they share their own feelings and struggles and accept your support and influence? You are best able to see if someone is growth oriented in how they solve problems and deal with setbacks and disappointments.