Live your best life

S afety - in a healthy, equal relationship, you feel safe. You do not have to worry that your partner will harm you physically or emotionally, and you are not tempted to harm them. You can change your mind about something - like having sex - without being afraid of how your partner will respond. H onesty - you don't hide anything important from your partner, and can say what you think without fear of being ridiculed. You can admit to being wrong, and you resolve disagreements by talking honestly. A cceptance - you accept each other as you are. You appreciate your partner's unique qualities, such as shyness or spaceyness, and do not try to "fix" them. If you don't like your partner's qualities, you should not be with that person. R espect - you think highly of each other. You treat each other as equals – neither one of you is “the boss.”  You do not feel superior or inferior to your ...

Sometimes you can get stuck in a relationship: You're in a constant state of trigger (fight/ flight/ freeze) instead of feeling intimately connected You've become two old stories instead of two open hearts You're scared or angry most of the time instead of feeling free and authentic It's heavy and complicated instead of light and playful  There is more effort placed on control and strategy than growth and gratitude You are there because of a commitment, because you feel you “should”, not because you want to be.  What can you do? You basically have 3 options: 1. Stay . Continue the slow, painful process of losing yourself in order to keep the relationship. 2. Let it go . Sacrifice your relationship to save your soul. 3. Change . You both have to be willing and capable of growing together. The goal here is to see if you can get back to love without sacrificing your authentic selves in the process. To do this, you must remove the idea of promises, attachment...

My mom says new beginnings are often disguised as painful endings. Make decisions based on your hopes, not your fears, and you'll never regret an ending. No matter how old you are, you are too young to settle. Resilience is not always a good thing - sometimes it can be that you're just fondling the snake that is devouring you. So how do you know when it's time for a new beginning? When your external life is misaligned with your internal values, there is a feeling of unhappiness and fulfillment. Get right with the voice inside you: it will tell you what you need. Then you can decide what to do in accordance.

Happiness is possible in the here and now, but while it doesn't require a change in circumstances, it does require a change in attitude. Thing is, when your attitude changes, you tend to make changes for the better in your life too. Growth can be painful, but you can find happiness in the journey, it's not dependent on outcome. So, pick thoughts, beliefs, people and experiences that inspire happiness along the way.

Stagnation is never a good thing. Life is meant to bring joy, vitality, growth, bliss, fulfillment. Don't let your fears or the disordered need for security and comfort keep you from pursuing what will make you thrive as opposed to just survive. Where are you settling? Where are not not aligned with your values? How are you showing up? In life and in love, you should never be asked to stay down, play small, dim your shine. You don't owe anyone a commitment just because you promised it before you knew any different. Embrace change and those who can embrace and navigate it with you will do great things. Consider the long term impact of what you do today: stay the same or change something. Remember that the rest of your life is bigger than one feeling, one person, one moment or one day.

How do you overcome the innate urge to self-protect during periods of uncertainty? How have you learned to push past the fear and surrender control to trust and faith? Most importantly, how do you continue showing up as your best self when you are worried and preoccupied? Here are some tips: -Identify and share your fears -Be an example of what you want -Believe others have positive intent -Ask questions instead of making assumptions -Give without the promise or expectation of getting I also want to add in a personal tip here: do not confuse this with 'healing' a toxic person or relationship where uncertainty is the norm. The best recipe for that is to end it because you deserve better.

How do you define a concept as complex as love? Let's begin with t he prerequisites for love: 1. Knowing or seeing another to their core. 2. Liking that person immensely without seeking to change or fix them. Instead there is deep admiration, respect, and you feel inspired by who this person is and how they act. 3. Developing the skills and emotional awareness to have a successful relationship. 4. Making choices and taking action that prove the first three. It is only when these 4 conditions can be met, that true love can be experienced. I think true love is extremely rare. When love is true, it is by default, reciprocal, unconditional, and everlasting. True love : consistent, reciprocal, mindful, intentional connection between two deeply knowing and feeling souls. It inspires, motivates, fulfills and sustains. Unconditional love : no expectations, selfless, no focus on outcomes, letting go of control. A special person once told me "you ARE love". It to...

Here are some of the best life lessons I learned from my girl, Brene: 1. When you're feeling upset with someone try starting with "The story I am telling myself is..." There is beauty in approaching situations with empathy and the need to understand instead of a conflict mindframe. 2. "Foreboding joy": when we are so scared of vulnerability and uncertainty, that we numb ourselves to the joy before us to eliminate the possible pain of losing it. Hey, guess what? It totally doesn't work. What is the alternative? Feeling gratitude and courage: allowing yourself to feel the joy to its fullest. 3. Pause and enjoy your life before it passes you by. This is a challenge if you use productivity or "hustling for approval" to escape something you don't want to address in your life, but do it anyway. You won't regret it. We are made for art and beauty and love, running around will never fulfill you.

Today I listened to Oprah's Super Soul Conversations podcast with Michael Singer, author of "The Untethered Soul". Singer says when you are faced with death, your soul will inevitably react. Death reveals what is meaningful, what stirs us deep within. It reminds us there is no time to waste. This made an impact on me, probably because I experienced personal loss recently and it jolted me awake. If you've always done what was expected instead of what your soul desires, an encounter with death will propel you into living your most authentic life. Search for your purpose and chase your dreams relentlessly. There is only now. No day but today.

It's hard to explain and even harder to go through, but at one point in your life, a light comes on and you see that you need to turn the world upside down. It might look to someone on the outside as though you are breaking every single clock in the world to prove the timing is right - and they will think you're insane. But it doesn't really matter what they think. Because when you've heard the voice inside you, you have to decide whether to listen or ignore it. "You enter the process of deciding whether you're going to risk every single thing in your life to have the one thing you've always wanted." - Glennon Doyle

October 20, 2017 It's #NationalWritingDay and in honour of my first and everlasting love, writing, I want to share why I write. I write because the words need to come out or I am going to burst. I write what I can't say out loud. I write because my mind is so loud and the room is so quiet. I write because I want to share my story so that others know they are not alone. I write because I am passionately, madly in love with books. I write because writing is magic, and we all need a little magic in our lives - even if it's just some thoughts and feelings on a piece of paper. Most importantly, I write because I love to write. Because there is no reason why I should, no one to impress, and nothing I get out of it other than knowing this who I am - it's my identity. The world cannot take it from me. It has nothing to do with what I have, what I achieve, what I have lost or who I am with. It is me.

Reaffirming out loud what I have always known instinctively as an only child: putting time and effort into your friendships has long lasting benefits. Humans are wired for connection, collaboration, contribution, community. If you try to exist within the island of your own family, or in isolation, you will wither, or you will rebel. Your primary relationship, and your family, cannot give you all you need - no matter how much they or you, wish they could, and the weight of such an expectation is sure to destroy those relationships. Create a balanced life with a solid network of people that support and sustain you, that give you strength to carry on. And give others the priceless gift of being a loving friend in return - it will change the world. Friends are the tribe you've hand picked to help you get through life. Friendships are priorities in my life. I try new things with my friends, I share my joys and my pain with them, I relax and re-center myself through a connection w...

What is the art of compromise without compromising yourself? It's that idea of consonance , where your outer life reflects your inner values. Here is an easy way to decide: if what is asked of you to be or be without doesn't honour who you are or diminishes your identity - then it is too much. No love, job, family member, or situation is worth the loss of your soul. You choose you and those who are aligned will stick with you, supporting your needs, desires and beliefs. You are worthy of respect, but you must take the responsibility to set up your own boundaries, and to make the choices that reflect your heart.

For me, 2017 has been a journey in search of meaning after a spiritual awakening brought on by crisis (as it often happens). I would say, if the purpose of life can be summed up in one sentence, it is this: you are responsible for discovering your true identity and finding the courage to live an authentic life that is aligned to the essence of your soul. Every mistake, lesson, heartbreak, and painful moment is an opportunity to learn and grow - not a failure, but a redirection. Embrace change by always striving to be better than the day before. And love. Love those near and far, love the ones who love you, those who leave you and those who hurt you. Love so much it hurts and then love some more because we are all on the same difficult journey and we need to love and be loved to make it through. Ok, you beautiful people, go out there and do something magical today!

We all go through dark times. But while pain is inevitable, it must be experienced, rather than escaped. Pain is often an indication that something must change, and the truth of it has to be wholeheartedly embraced. This is something we all struggle with. So how do we do it? 1. Find the courage to be yourself, and understand that you are a work in progress, not a finished product. 2. Be proud of your growth, humble about your weaknesses, and compassionate about your mistakes. 3. Don't be afraid to reintroduce yourself to those who think they have you figured out - you are not the same person you were yesterday. 4. Speak your truth and express your heartfelt wishes - you matter and you are worthy regardless of what you do or don't do. 5. The only limitations are those you impose on yourself - so start practicing positive self talk. 6. Break through your invisible barriers and go on to something better, knowing you are now better for having gone through the pain too.

If you've ever felt burned out, overwhelmed or emotionally overwrought, this post is for you. Instead of doing it all, pleasing everyone, or trying to be everywhere, learn to focus on less by doing what you love and excel in.  Prioritize. Create limits. Identify what your passionate YES is and start saying NO to everything else that detracts from it.   Are you clear about your bottom lines and deal breakers, or do you live with an "anything goes" mentality, often finding yourself upset or even angry when other people cross your poorly defined boundaries? Here's the harsh truth and the tough lesson of that: you attract what you are and you receive what you allow. It's hard to hear, but it can also be empowering. Because yes, you do need to get brutally honest with yourself and discover what you need, expect and want. But then you have to be brave enough to vocalize your expectations kindly but firmly and believe you are worthy of having them met. You do des...

"If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you." -Gnostic Gospel of Thomas "People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams, because they feel that they don’t deserve them, or that they’ll be unable to achieve them, or of moments that could have been good but weren’t. They don't suffer. But they don't live either." - Paulo Coehlo

We are all seekers. In the most vulnerable moments it is a simple act of kindness, an encouraging word, a new idea or a warm smile that can completely alter your world view and give you hope for a different way of being. Reading the right book at the right time. Having the difficult conversation when it would be easier to say nothing. Finding joy and laughter when you did not think it was possible. This is how we are changed for the better - this is how a person or a moment becomes a part of us. It is in this way people can live forever in our hearts. And it is why relationships do not end with death or separation.

I know so many people that love to share their exercise and diet plans. Do you take good care of your body? Do you prioritize exercise and eating healthy? It is fabulous if you live green and organic and sugar free and gluten free and whatever else you may do to feel good. As long as you're aware you can't detox or green juice away unhappiness, dishonesty or negativity. In the same way you can't escape pain through drinking or overeating or shopping or sex, you can't hide inner suffering with your external appearance.  Healing starts from within. Are you healing as a whole or just partially?

"Everything you've ever wanted is on the other side of fear." -George Addair Wholeheartedly believe this. We have two choices in life: be led by fear, or lead with love and courage, trusting that things will unfold and work out just as they should. Maybe not how you planned, but always for the best. Fears will never disappear. But when you make peace with your fears, possibilities will appear. The next time you feel fear, just take the superhero stance! (And do some yoga to quiet the mind.)

Millennials - we get a bad rap. We've been called so many ugly things: disrespectful, lazy, entitled, hypersensitive, rude. To our faces, in jest, in social media, and in person often by patronizing Gen Xers who forget that at one time, they were put down by the generation before them. But you know what I think is great about millennials? We are seekers and we own it. We are awakened souls, searching for meaning, trying to connect, and never settling. That is our gift to generations of yore and future generations. We have learned from the past, but want something different. We know there is potential in the future, but will not limit ourselves by the definitions of others. We haven't figured it out yet, but we are not giving up. Cheers to millennials. We're effing game changers who refuse to play small and maintain a broken status quo. You're welcome.

What if who you were in this present moment was a brand new person? How would that change how you see yourself, and those around you? I would be more curious and less judgmental. I would forget what was and focus on what is. The past is the road that brought you here. It is not "the here".

Do you enter conversations with the intent to "win", influence, or achieve a certain outcome? Do you already have an idea of what the other person thinks, feels and what they are going to say? Try this instead: see the interaction as your job to make the other person look good. Focus on them, not on you and how you come across. Be interested, don't worry so much about being interesting. Say yes, don't block the conversation. Respond playfully. Stay present. Watch how rewarding it is to have a conversation that is not ruled by fears, assumptions, or manipulation. How beautiful it is to find someone who asks for nothing but your company in a world that is constantly trying to get something from you, or change you.

The holidays can be a difficult time when you've lost someone. Last year, Christmas barely registered with me. I walked around in a daze, confused as to why people cared about anything at all. This year, there are a lot of conflicting emotions. I oscillate between finding joy and gratitude in my favorite time of year and the nostalgia of sights, sounds and scents overtaking the present.  I think it's ok for both of these things to happen. It's ok to sometimes hide out in your bed with a book and a cup of coffee and forget about the holidays and all the painful emotions. It's ok to cry if a beautiful memory is triggered by a touching moment. It's ok to throw your head back and laugh wholeheartedly when it starts to snow and everything feels magical. Life is all of these things. Death does not end feelings, or relationships, or memories. Be patient with your heart, with your mind and remember that you grieve because you love. And it's always worth it to l...

Can you ever feel safe when you are not known and validated? How can you allow yourself to be vulnerable when you are not allowed to let go of who you should be and instead embraced for who you are? Being authentic is being brave enough to manifest externally what is on the inside. But this can only happen in a place where it is safe to do that, a place where that is celebrated, not judged. A place where you don't have to do and be someone else's version of "right". When you're authentic, you're saying "This is who I am. Who is here for that?" You will know you've found the space to be authentic where you feel alive, connected, free, spiritual, inspired. Don't alter yourself for the illusion of fitting in (which is not the same thing as belonging) - it only ends in heartbreak. You can and should and will be loved for all that you are by those whose souls match yours, without artifice or deceit.

"The truly creative mind in any field is no more than this: A human creature born abnormally, inhumanly sensitive. To him... a touch is a blow, a sound is a noise, a misfortune is a tragedy, a joy is an ecstasy, a friend is a lover, a lover is a god, and failure is death. Add to this cruelly delicate organism the overpowering necessity to create, create, create -- so that without the creating of music or poetry or books or buildings or something of meaning, his very breath is cut off from him. He must create, must pour out creation. By some strange, unknown, inward urgency he is not really alive unless he is creating." - Pearl S. Buck

How many letters have you wanted to write but couldn't bring yourself to start? How many letters have you started to write and left unfinished? How many letters did you write but never send? This Christmas, I'm going to write a letter to someone special that I lost last year, and mail it even though I know she won't receive it. Now is the perfect time to say what you need to say, what you want to say. It's always worth it to share your thoughts, feelings, hopes and fears, regardless of the response or the outcome.

How do you manage your time? My time is determined by my priorities and my needs.  Free days - are for recharging, self-care and detaching from work  Focus days - are for fostering my important relationships (meetings), problem solving, and creating Busy days - are for completing tasks, organizing, and generally  just doing We each require varying degrees of time spent on these activities, depending on our needs, personalities, stages of life and external demands. I normally have the equivalent of 1 Free day, 2 Focus days  and 4 Busy days each week. And when Free and Focus days start to slip, I start to exhibit signs of discontent, or I feel out of alignment, so I go back to reworking my schedule until I find the right balance.  And perhaps the most important thing to consider in all of this is, who are you spending your time with ?

My #1 job is parenting. I try to do it consciously, with the intent of raising a successful, loveable, mindful, and self-sufficient adult. As such, I do not place my own need for control above my daughter's moral development. To ask a child to obey your command without question in order to receive your praise or avoid punishment is the equivalent of conditional love. And I love her unconditionally. It may take longer to get to "yes", it may involve asking questions instead of issuing orders, it may be providing more choices, it may mean giving her language to identify and express difficult emotions instead of reacting to them, and negotiating limits instead of setting them on my own... Is this draining on me? Sure! But 20 years from now, this child will have had a secure attachment from which to draw strength and life skills.