- Safety - in a healthy, equal relationship, you feel
safe. You do not have to worry that your partner will harm you physically
or emotionally, and you are not tempted to harm them. You can change your
mind about something - like having sex - without being afraid of how
your partner will respond.
- Honesty - you don't hide anything important from
your partner, and can say what you think without fear of being ridiculed.
You can admit to being wrong, and you resolve disagreements by
talking honestly.
- Acceptance - you accept each other as you are. You
appreciate your partner's unique qualities, such as shyness or spaceyness,
and do not try to "fix" them. If you don't like your partner's
qualities, you should not be with that person.
- Respect - you think highly of each other. You
treat each other as equals – neither one of you is “the boss.” You
do not feel superior or inferior to your partner in important ways. You
respect each other's right to have separate opinions and ideas.
- Enjoyment and Equality - a good
relationship is not just about how two people treat each other – it also
has to be fun! (If it is not fun, why bother?) In a healthy,
equal relationship, you feel energized and alive in your partner's
presence. You can play and laugh together.
Sometimes you can get stuck in a relationship: You're in a constant state of trigger (fight/ flight/ freeze) instead of feeling intimately connected You've become two old stories instead of two open hearts You're scared or angry most of the time instead of feeling free and authentic It's heavy and complicated instead of light and playful There is more effort placed on control and strategy than growth and gratitude You are there because of a commitment, because you feel you “should”, not because you want to be. What can you do? You basically have 3 options: 1. Stay . Continue the slow, painful process of losing yourself in order to keep the relationship. 2. Let it go . Sacrifice your relationship to save your soul. 3. Change . You both have to be willing and capable of growing together. The goal here is to see if you can get back to love without sacrificing your authentic selves in the process. To do this, you must remove the idea of promises, attachment...
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