When you get stuck

Sometimes you can get stuck in a relationship:

• You're in a constant state of trigger (fight/ flight/ freeze) instead of feeling intimately connected
• You've become two old stories instead of two open hearts
• You're scared or angry most of the time instead of feeling free and authentic
• It's heavy and complicated instead of light and playful 
• There is more effort placed on control and strategy than growth and gratitude
• You are there because of a commitment, because you feel you “should”, not because you want to be. 

What can you do? You basically have 3 options:

1. Stay. Continue the slow, painful process of losing yourself in order to keep the relationship.
2. Let it go. Sacrifice your relationship to save your soul.
3. Change. You both have to be willing and capable of growing together. The goal here is to see if you can get back to love without sacrificing your authentic selves in the process. To do this, you must remove the idea of promises, attachments and limitations and be open to the outcome. You may end up together, or you may end up apart.

In doing so, you will embrace the freeing realization that you are not what people think of you. You are not what you’ve achieved. You are not what you have or what you lack. You are what you love, not what loves you. And that will lead you to attract the sort of connection that sustains these beliefs, that allows you to be more fully you.

Think about it, how have your limiting thoughts negatively influenced your decision making in life up to now? Do you do things so others will approve? Do you only feel worthy when you’ve achieved something? Would you rather sacrifice your happiness in order to keep certain material comforts? Do you often tell yourself you can’t do something you really want to do because of x, y or z excuses? Will you only be happy when you get this, or that happens, or that person loves you?

We’ve all been there at one point or another. Here is what coming out of that suffocating space looks like:

• Moving towards what feels light and effortless and away from what is heavy and straining.
• Choosing to do what you love, and ignoring the reactions of others, recognizing we are all at different levels of awareness.
• Connecting with yourself and listening to your inner voice. 
• Not finding excuses anymore.
• Growing and removing the limitations and attachments that are holding you back. 
• Embracing fears and keeping an open heart and an open mind:
  I am scared AND I love it. I am scared AND I will do it anyway. I am scared AND I will be great.
• Healing yourself. 
• Letting go of control.
• Engaging in the daily practice of gratitude. 
• Seeing abundance in the world, where you once saw scarcity. 

It is critical that both of you are willing and committed to this personal transformation. Because what happens when one of you is a butterfly (soars higher, has a more flexible energy) and the other is a caterpillar (is stuck, has a low vibrational energy)?

1. The lower energy will bring down the higher one. The butterfly must clip its wings, censor, and deny itself in order to remain in the relationship.
2. The higher energy will leave so both people can bloom at their own pace in their own way separately.
3. The higher energy will hold the space for the lower energy and try to bring them up higher. This becomes a parent/child dynamic, and it can be quite complicated and heavy. Both partners must be willing to do this. But they must also be willing to let go when it is clear it will not work.

A fear of uncertainty and a need for connection will keep us stuck even when something is no longer good for us. There is always a voice inside of us that tells us what to do. Maybe we’ve ignored it before, but it is never wrong. Listen to the call of your soul, and if you cannot create the circumstances where you soul will be nourished and thrive where you are, be brave enough to walk away from jobs, places or people, so that you are not forced to walk away from your soul instead.