Live your best life

I was a saint I was a lady I acted like none of it even fazed me.  I was everything you'd need. I was a soulmate I was a friend I could be counted on well past the end. I held your hand.  Don't blame it on me Because I still care I drink the pain You hide the sorrow That's how we make it until tomorrow You weren't there I didn't see you We never made it out that evening. Dark clouds above. No more bleeding rainbows, love.  Guy on the stage: I'm scared to see you I'm so deep in the well of disappointment I don't see a way out.  So don't put this on me,  Because I still care There's always hope There's always fear No sense in wishing we were still here.  You took the friends I took the house You wanted the fence At the expense Of our hearts. 

I've bled out all the colours No rainbows in the dark But when I hear your voice Frozen coals could spark I can't bear to be here but There's nowhere else to go I'd better take it slow  Where does it go?  Where did I go? If not here, then where?  If not now, then when? I keep coming back here, again and again. 

We’re a pair of parallel lines You’re just like me We’re on the same path But we don’t ever meet You talk to all my friends  but me I guess I’m not that nice after all You You’re in the house up on a cloud Me I’m on a mission.

I’m doing my best to Untangle the ropes Struggling to get untied I blame the ropes but Who would have rather died? You’re the punisher But I condemned myself Am I ready to stop suffering The pain I think I deserve? Am I ready to be free of it all Or is there more for me to unearth? Am I entitled to move forward Or have I trapped myself? I buried the truth and I locked up my feelings I am truly sorry I left you reeling... Unresolved.

It could be true that I’m heartless I know that I’m not easy to talk to So if I give you an out, Then baby, go on and take it If you give me your heart Chances are that I’ll break it Keep my name off your lips They were only good for a kiss How did I end up like this?

Sometimes I listen to the music we used to listen to And it makes me feel closer to you It's a full moon in the daytime sky Like the links we used to make My initials on your plates And Heyer on your mother's shelf The cameo around my neck The carving out in Montreal The scent of an exotic fruit And cherry cards... Going shopping at the mall And writing on a restaurant wall. You can call it imago  Or the universe in action Grief is a better excuse than attraction She calls it a problem with impulse control He says it's dumb romantic notions Poets and songwriters searching for signs Trying to make sense out of life After so many trips to Chapters Still nothing to read between The lines are down A minute longer is The expiry date on honesty Around the time it starts to get uncomfortably Close to reality. And if I saw you now I'd probably lose you in the crowd Then walk around all night at home In a daze and all alone.  So we can't be friends, but I needed a friend Not...

Kintsugi restores the beautifully broken. Flaws fill with silver or gold: imperfect! Embracing the history of honest healing. #haiku #kintsugi #japaneseart

I grip the earth with my toes and I swear I can feel the planet moving / the dips and grooves of uneven patches of grass make it hard to keep my balance. / I am planet surfing / riding the heat wave / while the wind ruffles my hair affectionately. / The leaves bow down to me and fan me in the shade / the butterflies kiss me. / I am here and I am alive / with the birds and the worms as my witnesses. / I am fleeting summer orbiting the eternal warmth of the sun.

The coffee is brewing I hear footsteps the door The meeting is starting Dirty clothes are on the floor The teacher is waiting  My boss is talking Put on your mask and go get the shopping Wave to the neighbours Call up your friends Spend endless hours  Asking when it ends Walk off the madness Sleep off the dread Sitting here writing While others make bread Be every woman And all before five Get in a workout Make up your eyes Time to make dinner Though you'd rather dine out Sip on a beer  And scroll til you shout The parks are now open but the playground is not The camps have been cancelled June has been hot Surrounded by papers and never alone The months feel longer the more I am home. 

I keep you alive in my memories You are trapped within the keepsakes I hear your laughter when I bake And your sighs have become mine When I rest in my comfy chair The way you used to do.

Challenging myself and the women I know to speak up at work without hedging, apologizing, qualifying or undermining for a week and see how it feels.  My aspiration is that one day women can simply focus on doing their work well without the distraction of people pleasing tendencies. I say this with full awareness and compassion for the deep roots of historical conditioning: when women lack physical, financial, or legal power, the approval of others is essential to survival.  But, careers depend on how you highlight your competence, not just your likeability.  So let's start with the way we talk. Let's look within and speak with confidence, knowing we have just as much right to sit at the table, to share ideas and to make meaningful contributions. We don't have to shrink and hide our brilliance to make others comfortable in the presence of a strong, intelligent woman.  #challengeyourself

They beat the slaves  And raped the housekeepers Then they kept their children away As if their own despicable actions weren't inheritable But the melanin rich skin could soil their lily-white hatred. First they used Then they abused And to justify their aggression They preached supremacy And black lives were oppressed Devalued, degraded, defaced.  They mocked the people  (Forced to smile at their master's cruelty) By painting their milky faces and burning blacks alive.  And when the panthers fought back They called them violent animals And accused them of counterfeit crimes.  Subversively they taught the people of colour To play the white game or be shot. Lack of opportunity was 'their own fault' And systemic discrimination meant 'try harder', 'be whiter' But the rules didn't allow for winning.  If the white people were outdone, it was 'affirmative action'. So they learned being voiceless was less dangerous Than making the white people uncom...

I am the angry woman I'm bleeding white-hot rage My fury of tears will drown you You should all feel afraid.  My tongue is poised for lashing My feet are here to crush My lungs are filled with fire I cannot stop the rush. My skin is scalding ashes  Of a burning, ember heart My words beat down like hail My screams are lightning darts. Watch me drink the poison And wait for you to die I am the angry woman But you all think I lie. 

Is it pride that keeps me silent?  I am disconsolate that loneliness Is the home I'll inhabit  Until I outgrow it Like the hermit crab,  Unattached And weighed down by  The things he carries In the shell he wears with pride. Or is it dread? Am I afraid I never mattered at all? Do I hold back because of how I might look to you: Foolish - like a love-sick schoolgirl Worrying that you don't care at all And that my fear and pride  Are unfounded and unreal Because I do not exist for you.  This was not my choice.  But you were never really here at all.  Now the tears.  Why should I suffer?  And yet, I cannot reason pain away.  I am still trying to outrun it As if going round in circles Means I'm moving on.  I could admit my own mistake And the madness that possessed me I could excuse it And anyone would understand,  I think. But I can't fathom why it lingers, Why I'm frozen and still bound By a grief that will not go away. ...

Loss is grief And grief is painful It makes you learn  Just what you're made of. You might grow  And you will change And your whole life could rearrange. But in the end You must decide Is it enough to just survive Or will you allow yourself to thrive? They could laugh And they might cry... Well, it's not on them  To save your life.  You may betray You could forgive It's for yourself  That you must live. 

Fellow white people... Staying silent for a day is not the answer ( #blackouttuesday ). It also doesn't help denying your own racist indoctrination. It is real. It affects your "black and POC friends" and it shapes the world you are part of. So talk about it - to your kids, to your friends, at work - until there is more understanding, more empathy and more inclusion. And then, start looking for ways to take action. What can you do to reduce the indoctrination of your own kids? How can you contribute to and support a positive movement in your community? How can you speak up for human rights at work? We are all responsible for creating the world we live in. #blacklivesmatter

Just when you think your heart can't possibly break further,  you come across one word  that shatters  the remaining shards you've been trying to collect  and glue together.  It's the smallest piece  that cuts  you deep  once  again.  The insignificant  leaves an eternal  impression.  One word  can carry the weight of gold  in meaning,  and you would be  the only one to know  how it holds you down.  You can't make people  love you,  and you cannot change  your heart.  You can only bear it  and let it tear you apart. 

This past decade, I did a lot. I worked for 5 companies, in 3 industries, in various roles. I got married, had a kid, and all that domestic stuff. I bought a house, a car, and all the grown up things, like furniture and appliances. I travelled to 13 new cities in North America and over a dozen international locations. I tried new hobbies and activities and challenged myself to have unique experiences. I lost friends and made new ones. My life was rocked by illness and death, and all the feelings that come along with suffering. I learned so much, and grew so much. My heart broke, and for a brief time, it was fully open and exposed and it was terrifying and thrilling all at once. I was disappointed and I discovered how to rely on myself. I lost myself and remembered to be more careful with my choices. I was happy and took notes so I could replicate it. I had to be responsible for another human being, so I matured quickly and did my best to become better for her. I loved and I laughed and...

To be able to trust yourself, you've got to stop betraying yourself for the needs and opinions of others.  Kids come into this world knowing this, instinctively. Kids are not interested in what the world wants or thinks. They will wear stripes and dots and rainbow colours - all on the same day - because that is how they feel, with no regard for how their parents or classmates will perceive them. Kids will tell you with complete certainty that they DO NOT LIKE BROCCOLI and they don't care how nutritious it is.  The problem is some parents cannot handle their child's authenticity. It makes them worried, or insignificant, or helpless. To soothe their own anxiety and insecurity, parents may try to control their child's behaviour or convince them to think differently. Because children want to preserve a good relationship with their parents, they will conform, even at the expense of losing their sense of self.  Therefore as adults, to regain your lost self, and bec...

Any parent knows nagging and lecturing will never result in others taking responsibility. By criticizing, complaining and threatening, you're training others to function in response to you, not to become self-empowered. All you can do is outline your boundaries and allow others to make choices. By empowering yourself, you empower others. That's what brings true serenity. 

You're Tiffany's,  not Goodwill.  Know your worth,  then add tax.  If someone can't  or won't  pay the price of admission  into your life,  you don't go chasing them  or offering discounts.  You recognize that  they're not your target market.  That doesn't mean you  change your value proposition  to better suit their needs -  but you may need to  rethink your go-to-market strategy  and select better prospects. 

Don't fight your anger. It's got something important to tell you if you'll honour it by listening. You are never wrong for feeling angry and no one can tell you when anger is valid; it depends on your personal values. What we usually struggle with is manifesting that anger constructively. Anger serves to push you to make a change for the better in your life, your job, your relationships, your well-being... It's not an excuse to rant, rage and act resentful. An emotion is uncontrollable but your response is your responsibility.  At some point you'll have to stop blaming the things you said or did on mercury being in powerade.. :) You don't need to make excuses for your anger if you honour yourself and respect others.  But respecting others is about HOW you express your anger, it is not about stuffing it inside and only allowing it to come out in small, bitter doses of passive aggressiveness. You're entitled to your feelings and you are allowed to ...

When the unimaginable happens, there is no right thing to say, nothing to be learned, and no reason why it happened. There is room for only kindness and the slow path forward. We share the pain and the grief of our friends to make every moment that follows a bit easier than the last. We stay in hope for them, when they are in despair, and we do not rush their process. We simply hold them when they cry. That is all we can do. 

This beautiful human, one of my dearest friends, and a recent bride, is about to become a mother today (latest tomorrow). Over the past 9 months we've had many conversations about family, parenting, discipline, attachment, happiness and success.  How do you raise a child that's well-adjusted and well-prepared for an unknown future? How do you become a "good" parent? I think there is a natural tendency for most of us to correct, fix, and problem solve when it comes to our kids - but I'd argue that approach is not only less effective, over time it tends to alienate children. Punishment of any kind creates resentment, diminished trust, rebellion, and sometimes even revenge. Some children are defiant, others retreat into themselves and suffer, others lie and hide.  By validating a child, you allow them to be separate and different, and show them they are still loved and accepted.  Good parenting might be as easy as showing up to a f...

Change often begins with a teardown of the way it used to be and the person you used to be. It can be challenging and long and even painful. Preparing a new way takes time. It will be a while until the new path is ready and until you are ready to head out on the new path.  You will need to nurture the little desires along the way to get to the deep desires that will shape your path forward.  And I do not refer to change for the sake of change here - that is almost always a self-image issue. Either you're unhappy with yourself and trying to change to 'be worthy'. Or you're trying to change due to external pressures, because others are unhappy with you and you want them to perceive you as 'worthy'.  First off, you're worthy, as you are, simply because you exist. You need prove, achieve nor demonstrate anything to yourself or anyone else.  Secondly, the only sort of change you need to accept is the change that occurs as a natural result of life expe...

This is what regret looks like... We all worry we won't make the 'right' choice when faced with hard decisions. What's right for us may not be right for others, but we are always looking for objectively 'right reasons' to justify our choice. The inconvenient truth is, we define our own reasons based on who we want to be and what type of life is meaningful and fulfilling to us. The alternative is we drift through life, avoiding hard decisions and letting external factors or people choose for us. We do what we feel we 'should' do and feel a bit empty, or maybe resentful, or just plain disappointed with where we are. We long for the ice cream but can't or won't give up the popsicle; out of fear, insecurity or pragmatism, we deny ourselves the things we want thinking we might grow to appreciate the things we have that clearly don't work for us.

Her form-fitting dress Burning crimson passion His faraway stare A welcoming distraction Such tightly woven threads Tapestry of frustration Her fingers seal her fate As he pines in admiration Hear how she sighs Look how he stretches What's behind those eyes? Hopes, those evil wretches. Half sick of shadows Twice ripped apart Now there is tar Where once there was heart. There's still a glimmer From a glittery past She yearns and lies He answers too fast. How languid the yawn How honest the laugh When once they wrote sonnets But now, love's epitaph.

The first one hurts enough To teach you self-protection The second helps you grow up And try a new direction The third is meant to last And bring illumination. But if it falls apart And leaves you lost and broken It still revives your heart And cracks your life wide open.

Head on a platter, Wreath on a skull. Rolling tobacco, Noose left to burn. Saved up old letters- And a blue satin dress- Are all that is left Of the vanitas death. Rise up from the ashes! Buried in the sand, Broken pocket-watches Tell time at the end. Candles have blown out The moralist story- No life without worry, Memento Mori.

Last night, I was drinking only red On the edge of a hotel bed With a man who thinks he knows me Tonight, I'll go across the street Buy us some cigars Cause I don't want to be lonely.  Lately, I've been playing all these games Is it sad or is it sick? Because there's no escaping this I know it's only a distraction. But I close my eyes And I see deep green, and ocean blue My toes are sinking in quicksand I better wake up before he can Catch up to me  He screams my name And I wish I could be  Free.  This time, I said I wouldn't run But the walls are closing in,  And I'm stuck inside this story Next time, I'll be smarter and I promise  That I won't let it get this deep because  I know there is no glory- In the end. Right now, I wish I could go back Cause its harder when you know What you want is what you lack. And your heart remains a glow Long after it's been broken. Still I...

If your friends don't go on random and extravagant adventures with you just because, are they even your friends? 15 years of friendship with this booger and it's been all mimosas and musicals, with a heavy helping of high teas. Who knew that making fun of white pants and dancing to the Spice Girls during frosh week would turn to long nights drinking bubble tea and watching Gilmore Girls, inaccurate assessments of sexual orientation in sociology class and hours upon hours spent in movie theatres. Daughter of the original inspiration to go big or go home, star of the one play I ever directed, and my Sephora consultant (unpaid), I've driven 4 hours one way to hug her when she was heartbroken. From ski trips with Svetlana and braying Le-ons on the bus, to days spent wandering around tourist attractions, we've experienced winter wonderlands in England, rollercoasters in Canada, popsicles in Central Park and road trips to wine country. Who would have thought ...

I am not medicine, to be taken in doses at your whim I am not something you use to make yourself feel better I am not designed to make you happy. I am neither a security blanket Nor a floor mat, to be used and discarded. I am not your saviour, So do not place me in a tall cage and call it a pedestal. I am not decorative My worth is not up for negotiation I am not an amusement park Or a blank canvas for your ego to paint upon I am not a punching bag for your self-hatred I am not a ship adrift at sea that you must anchor. I will not be your project Because I am not broken and you do not need to fix me. I'm not in need of your good advice. My development is a result of my life experiences Which is neither stopped nor propelled forward by your words Your persuasion will not change me Your love will not raise me up or tear me down Because I am not missing pieces that you need to fill. I cannot be outsourced to process your difficult feelings Your...

If you live in a state of self-loathing, you will think anyone who shows you kindness and love is a fool, or weak, because if they saw you the way you see yourself, they'd hate you too.  You want to be held accountable, you want to be seen - but you're so scared you won't be able to live up to that expectation that you sabotage every possibility of a loving connection.  You lie, but it's so lonely. Because b efore you were a 'bad guy', you were wounded and scared. So you find a way to be tough to make up for the times and ways in which you weren't.  You attract people who  just want to feel special and noticed. They are on a mission to save you. They collapse and don't enforce boundaries. They think they know you - and they have compassion for you - but they want you to know that they know better, they're inoculated against 'your kind' and they will win out in this competition.  But the very people who want to change you are preventing yo...

In all our lives, with the passing of time and formative experiences, new versions of ourselves are born. They come calling or knocking at the door and sending midnight messages. What do we do? We try to ignore them. We generally run and hide. That's alright. Resisting change is natural. Before a rebirth there is always a death; all loss is accompanied by grief and is therefore painful, often overwhelming and even terrifying. But to hold on and stay stagnant after a new version of yourself has been birthed is self-betrayal. You are necessarily denying the next stage of your evolution in order to continue belonging where you are now. If you think grief is painful, please know that if you refuse to answer the call or open the new door, you will continue to suffer until you finally either change or die. You will be consumed by regret and resentment. You will no longer be able to find joy and beauty in life. You will be living out of fear. And that is no life at all. So go ahead, ta...

We started this relationship on the foundation of a vow to build a strong bond and not as a result of one. We placed the value of family above the quality of our life together moment by moment. Perhaps we did it because marriage was an outside source of validation: You are living a good life. You are worthy of committment. But that is too kind to say of us. I think we did it mostly out of fear - the fear of love itself. Love's potential to cause heartbreaking pain is what led us to choose to be free from its power. We had seen the dependence, the tears, the irrational fights, the despair - and it was not how we wanted to live. In each other we found the thing that was guaranteed not to destroy us if it ended. Yet here we were, dying piece by piece and holding on. We reasoned if we were not mad with love, there would be no thrilling highs, it's true, but we'd never have to experience the excruciating lows. We would live in the in-between . You were some...

Here's the middle millennial problem: the life we were sold and prepared for by our Baby Boomer parents is perhaps not possible anymore. I don't know about you but that leaves me feeling a bit jaded and pessimistic, to be perfectly honest. Where do we go from here? We're more pragmatic and realistic than younger millennials because early on, we experienced recession-related unemployment and endured hard competition from older generations in the workforce. We continue to struggle with non-affordable housing despite our incomes, and we lack the social and community connections of our parents and grandparents. This means, that during this time of disillusionment, we have few ways to cope with the stress and no benefits to show for the work. Worst of all - we don't even really know why we're doing it. Boomers wanted stability and security after their parents lacked both during the war. Gen X wanted to balance career ambitions with personal priorities after se...

Here's a reminder: even if the past was painful or the future is daunting, it doesn't mean the present moment is ruined. I laughed listening to a podcast in which Dr Jeremy Goldberg says "Just because Mercury is in Gatorade doesn't mean you get a free pass to be miserable." But that is probably the most eloquent (millennial) way of saying who you are does not depend on external circumstances or even internal emotions. There is always a choice in how you respond. Why not choose happiness over heartbreak right now? You might have been betrayed yesterday and you might be worried you'll never love again - but right now, in this moment, you can allow yourself a little peace and joy. Why not choose compassion instead of blame? You lost your job. Instead of blame, just chalk it up to not being a good fit and treating yourself with kindness as you remember you are not your job. You might feel a lot of fear about what's next. Allow for the possibil...

#worldsuicidepreventionday If your story sucks right now, just remember it's not over yet. The most beautiful things can come after the darkest of times. If the suffering feels too heavy to carry, let someone help you. You are not broken beyond repair. The best is yet to come.

Sometimes the deliberate strategy you started out with is not as good as the emergent opportunity that comes up along the way. You're always changing and growing - but you'll never know what's possible if you keep clutching to your past ideas of what worked, or who you thought you were. Try something new this week. Go with what feels right. Go with something you like just because you like it. The world needs more happy people who are pursuing their bliss, not more resentful people being held back by what they "should" do.

The Sunday gospel according to Alice: Have you noticed how we carefully tread through life hoping to 'safely make it to death'? We second guess and over analyze what we are naturally drawn to and make excuses to maintain the things that don't satisfy us. We say we are unqualified or undeserving of happy fortune and shoot ourselves in the foot before we have a chance to prove ourselves wrong. We try to simplify the multitudes contained within each person by unfairly labelling them based on momentary feelings. We say we are constantly exhausted and wish we could escape while over-complicating our daily lives with busyness that drains us. We grieve because of the depths of our love while wishing it could be erased from our memory. We promote fear to our children as the habit that has kept us safe, while simultaneously admitting that it has ruined the very best parts of life for us. How tragically ordinary it is to exist without feeling alive and to die without ever having live...

You're easy to control when you don't know what you want and you're not sure what you deserve. Someone will come along and use you as a means to their end. You'll help them feel better about their own insecurities. This will trap you in a cycle of trying to build an identity through meeting their needs and making them happy. You'll become, at best, 'medicine' for that person or at worst, a DIY project.  If you're wondering if this is you, ask yourself: Will this person still care about me and treat me lovingly if I don't do what they want?  Will they respect my desire to change this relationship dynamic?  How much of my interactions with this person revolve around me compromising my own needs in order to meet theirs? Am I often 'wrong' or 'at fault' and responsible for 'fixing' their mood?

Persistent indecision is an invitation to change. But how do you figure out what you really want? Try these exercises: -Identify all the "shoulds" that perpetually stand in your way but haven't led to joy yet.  -Get really specific about what upsets you.  -Imagine new possibilities. Dream big, then dream bigger.  -Follow the things that intrigue you (if you're a thinker) or make you feel light and energetic (if you're a feeler).  'Uncomplicate' the decision by trusting your inner voice - the things that are proven to fulfill you do not require you to over-rationalize them.  "I  throw my heart into  the  world they  way  they shoot t - shirts out  of  t - shirt cannons in  concerts." -Liz Gilbert