If you live in a state of self-loathing, you will think anyone who shows you kindness and love is a fool, or weak, because if they saw you the way you see yourself, they'd hate you too.
You want to be held accountable, you want to be seen - but you're so scared you won't be able to live up to that expectation that you sabotage every possibility of a loving connection.
You lie, but it's so lonely. Because before you were a 'bad guy', you were wounded and scared. So you find a way to be tough to make up for the times and ways in which you weren't.
You attract people who just want to feel special and noticed. They are on a mission to save you. They collapse and don't enforce boundaries. They think they know you - and they have compassion for you - but they want you to know that they know better, they're inoculated against 'your kind' and they will win out in this competition.
But the very people who want to change you are preventing you from changing yourself. That pressure makes you want to be 'bad' again, which perpetuates the cycle.
You want to be held accountable, you want to be seen - but you're so scared you won't be able to live up to that expectation that you sabotage every possibility of a loving connection.
You lie, but it's so lonely. Because before you were a 'bad guy', you were wounded and scared. So you find a way to be tough to make up for the times and ways in which you weren't.
You attract people who just want to feel special and noticed. They are on a mission to save you. They collapse and don't enforce boundaries. They think they know you - and they have compassion for you - but they want you to know that they know better, they're inoculated against 'your kind' and they will win out in this competition.
But the very people who want to change you are preventing you from changing yourself. That pressure makes you want to be 'bad' again, which perpetuates the cycle.
Comments
Post a Comment