Live your best life

How can you enter into a secure functioning relationship? That is to say, one in which you have each other's backs, you collaborate, there is mutuality, you protect each other and the relationship, and you do not hide anything from each other. The problem is, after meeting someone and experiencing attraction, most people want to rush to the comfort of commitment instead of taking the necessary time and steps to vet and audition potential partners. Then they fall in love and get attached, and it becomes difficult to separate - because breaking up and rupturing attachment is a huge, stressful trauma for most people. So instead, deal-breakers and warning signs are overlooked and people learn to live with a low-key stress that permanently colours their insecurely functioning relationship with frustration, resentment, unhealed hurts, anger and pain. The ideal for longevity and a well-functioning, happy relationship is to find someone with whom we can: 1. successfully manage distress ...

Pretzel sticks with black cherry yogurt make a great combination Compassion means reminding someone of their inherent worth when they forget, are in pain, or lost. Women should celebrate their ambitiousness and the willingness to put in effort to get what they want without men feeling scared and put off. Monica Lewinsky is still reliving the trauma or 20 years ago - I doubt Bill is. He probably processed it with his wife in therapy - she had no one to bear witness and rebuild with. Is rejecting the patriarchy a good reason not to have your father walk you down the aisle at your wedding? Why would someone make all the guests at her wedding eat vegan and gluten free just because she is? Does making extreme statements about yourself actually mean you're not yet able to delineate where you end and the world around you begins and so you place up dividers? Is this just an expression of ego and illusory separation where love and connection ought to appear? Learning how to love, remem...

What is it that draws us into the bubble of two people who seem completely in sync and attuned to one another? Why do we want them to be a couple so badly? Why are we unable to look away from their displays of passion and speculate about their feelings? The hopeless romantics out there (myself included) are all dreaming about a world in which this type of bond, or connection can be sustained over a 20 year relationship. I think even the realists out there would have a hard time disputing any subsequent relationship they each might have will not stand much of a chance in the face of 20 years of friendship, partnership and intimacy. Because that is what we all see when we look at Tessa and Scott. There is a level of intimacy that penetrates deeper than most people ever achieve in a lifelong marriage, let alone with their working partner. It is so powerful that it comes out without any words needing to be spoken. It oozes out of their pores and creates sparks upon contact. It's t...

My husband and I selected these words as the tags on the potted flowers we gave away to guests at our wedding. We were idealistic and young. But we also had a vision for what we wanted to experience in our marriage and in our lives. This, when all other things have changed, has remained the same. This kind of love does not come easy. Each of these goals must be worked at and practiced daily.  It's about choosing personal growth over the comfort of stability. It's about humility in the face of insult. It is about compassion trumping anger.  Love is not about what you get, and entirely about what you give.  At times, we have shown each of these traits - to ourselves, to each other, and to those around us. Other times, we've shown the complete opposite. It's a struggle to show up as the best version of yourself - so if you're doing it to get a reaction out of the other person, you might as well stop because it's going to fail.  This is an exercise in...

This morning on the radio, a man proposed to his girlfriend over the phone, while her coworkers listened in. After she said yes and her boss gave her the day off (and I vomited a little in my mouth), the man kept repeating: "I love you so much." "You make me so happy." "I want to be happy with you forever." Then the radio announcer played Ed Sheeran. Fairytale. I had to change the channel and fight the tears of rage. As someone who has been married almost 8 years, I can tell you with certainty, marriage is not a vehicle for happiness. Marriage is a commitment. It is an institution centered on stability. It is about family and security. Passionate love, delirious giddiness, and profound connection are more often the stuff of those prior relationships we can't quite seem to get out of our heads, that would never have materialized into marriage. That's not necessarily good, not necessarily bad. There is a place for everything. However, I find...

At our Global Sales Meeting last week, our president spoke about hope and habits . Success is dependent on having both. On hope - you must dream of something, you must believe that you will achieve greatness, and you must have a bigger picture in your mind than just what is happening before you at the moment. He illustrated this with the parable of the 3 bricklayers: Once there were 3 bricklayers. Each one of them was asked what they were doing. The first man answered gruffly, 'I'm laying bricks.' The second man replied, 'I'm putting up a wall, one brick at a time.' But the third man said enthusiastically and with pride, 'I'm building the most magnificent cathedral the world has ever seen.'" --Author Unknown I certainly am a big believer in envisioning success as the first step to achieving it. But what really impressed me is when he spoke about the power of habits: those things we do every day, or the way we go about our days. H...

You'd never know it, that after all the struggles, all the pain, the fears and the painful yearnings, everything you ever wanted would just come to you one day, settle into your heart, and show you how beautiful and easy life and love can be.  It's incredible when you finally feel the sort of joy that warms your heart, lights you up and inspires you to make the entire human race just a little bit happier, because you know how it can change the experience of life. It's when you are smiling like a giddy idiot and thanking the entire universe for allowing you to be so lucky that it strikes you - it was there all along. I was worthy of this all along. This was designed for me. And whether it lasts a year, a decade or a lifetime, how many people can truly say they were blessed with feeling the sort of love and happiness that marks you forever?  So don't ever give up - just take all the lessons and grow into a better person. What your heart longs for is there, just waiting ...

My most difficult lesson learned, after resisting for many, many, many, many (ya feel me?) years: until you can be ok with being uncomfortable and uncertain, you'll never be able to do anything great. That's because greatness is achieved in the pursuit of your wildest dreams - not the easy to attain, safe, uninspiring dreams. Naturally, the pathway to get there is fraught with uncertainty, fear, discomfort and opportunities to grow. Why is there no easy shortcut? Because moving up requires you to be a better version of yourself. You don't become that until you are challenged to find a way to live with and overcome pain, insecurity, and the unknown. The best example I can think of is: you can't learn to forgive without having someone hurt you.  So as you encounter obstacles along the way, and you feel tempted to give up or fall apart, just remember two things: 1. be kind to yourself (you're in a battle, on the journey to something incredible) 2. you get what ...

There is nothing more sexy than someone who is genuinely curious about the world around them. The people that keep an open mind and listen with the mindset that they can learn something from everyone and everything, even if they disagree, is probably one of the most attractive features in a human being. As a journalism grad, my innate curiosity propelled me towards an education aimed at teaching me the skills I need to research and learn. At the heart of journalism is the art of asking questions. And only through attentive listening, opening yourself up to be led somewhere you may have never been before, and having your way of thinking challenged or even changed, can you truly say you are a curious being. But make no mistake - this is not the same thing as being highly suggestible. Ever heard the saying "The man who stands for nothing falls for anything"? At a primal level, curiosity begins within. You need to get curious about yourself. Who are you? What do you think? How ...

You are responsible for your karma. You don't like that word? Ok.  What you sow is what you reap.  For every action there is a reaction. The bottom line is: All of your thoughts, words and actions begin a chain of cause and effect What does that tell you? That you have control over your own destiny. You create the energy surrounding your life You do the right thing, and let the rest unfold Keep your side of the street clean and your neighbours will follow suit.  If we approach life that way,  Then we know no positive action goes unrewarded There is no limit to what we can achieve and create. If you know what you want (set an intention) If you believe in it  (you feel it deep within) And you take action to ready yourself to receive it, IT WILL HAPPEN.  It's not about external reactions from others,  It's not about hustling to make something happen. You simply need the internal motivation and desire to propel you to take positive ...

Find the creators and create with them. Grow with those who help you grow. Surround yourself with those who inspire you, who conspire with you, who take your breath away. Don't be a victim, don't live off the scraps and breadcrumbs others offer. Givers must be careful not to let themselves be sucked dry by takers. You'll recognize takers as the ones who are there when they need you but never available when you need them back. They might be well-meaning, good people. They are most likely drawn to your light. But until they are ready to add value to your life and do the work to create magic and meaning, lovingly let them go. They can admire the fruit of your existence from afar.

Perhaps it's the age, or just pure coincidence It certainly makes no sense The experience of loss, of grief. They say death comes in threes It's terrifying to think of death as dominoes Is that just the way the story goes? All stories have an end And ends birth new beginnings How grimly comforting Start the gratitude rampage Hold your circle close again Find hope when you're afraid Someone out there will need your strength So don't let anything chip it away You'll live to see a brighter day Magnificent, isn't it? The shattered heart that's torn apart Pieces together when it can start To love, to help, to save. "Keep your heart free from hate, your mind from worry. Live simply, expect little, give much. Scatter sunshine, forget self, think of others. " -Norman Vincent Peale

I've always been organized. I like the order of planning things out, determining the most efficient way of doing as many things as I can and being productive without being overwhelmed. People have told me my system is impressive. I am more impressed by people who manage to get the daily business of life completed without a systematic approach, because they seem to wing it without any stress. (How do they remember everything?!?!) Here are some of my tools and life hacks that help me stay on top of work, home, social and other responsibilities. I hope they help you too! Daily to-do list I swear by this. I even make a tiny square next to each item so I can check it off and feel the satisfaction of completing the task. I make my list the night before and that allows me to sleep peacefully. New additions or requests get tagged on to the bottom of the list and if they are important, I will prioritize, otherwise, I don't kill myself trying to complete someone else's ...

Top 5 regrets people have on their deathbed:  “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.” “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.” “I wish I had let myself be happier.” “I wish I’d had the courage to express my true self.” “I wish I’d lived a life true to my dreams instead of doing what others expected of me.” So basically, that tells me people should play, laugh, and have more fun! Follow your dreams and your passions - you can't go wrong, after all, it's your life. Who but you, knows better, what your soul longs for?  The best people will inspire and encourage you to do more of what makes you happy and fulfilled. If you have the great fortune of spending your life with someone who brings you joy and helps make your dreams come true, be grateful and appreciative every day. 

My 6 year old noticed that princess stories all center around marriage and "finding the right man". If she understands that is a myopic view of life (because "what if you want to do something else, like be a surgeon, or start a business, make art or travel around the world" or "what if you marry the wrong person and don't live happily ever after") then it's high time we change the narrative that little girls hear. We need better role models and better hero stories. We need to open up better opportunities and teach girls about knowing, honouring and loving themselves. We need to encourage growth, contribution and meaningful connection - not ridiculous stories about love at first sight based on external beauty. At the very least, if we are going to focus the literature of young women on relationships, let's focus on the workings of secure, authentic partnerships instead of 3 day chance encounters that turn into everlasting happiness effortles...

...and I'll tell you who you are. I love laughing and dancing, so Ru Paul and I have that in common! I love sitting down or walking with someone, coffee or tea in hand, and having a conversation that either sets my soul on fire or soothes my soul. I love snuggling up with a book, fire on, soft music in the background, and luxuriating in the experience. I love having a pen in hand, when I can't keep up with the words running through my mind and the rush of inspiration creates a frenzy to put it all down on paper. I love the feeling in my body when I'm doing yoga, and meditating - when my soul is connected to the universe with a million silver strings and yet, I feel like I'm floating freely and nothing can touch me. I love the energy that is exchanged when two kindred souls encounter each other and share a human experience. I love to travel - trying new things, seeing new places, meeting new people. I love the inspiration it brings. I love food: sweet, savour...

Friends are the most important people in the world, next to your family, because your friends are people you CHOSE to experience and make sense out of life with. And I'm not talking about the girls you like to go clubbing with, or your workout buddy. I mean, the people you call when you're lost, and need someone to remind you who you are, what you want and where to go from here. Friends are the people you call giggling with a story because you know they will find it just as funny! Friends are the ones who celebrate with you when something really freakin amazing happens: like you got a new job, you're finally going to make that dream trip happen, you're engaged, you finally dumped that asshole, you just found out you're pregnant. Friends know what to say, and when they don't, they stumble through some version of what to say and you love them even more for it. They are the ones who squeal with you in excitement, who genuinely rejoice in the good stuff, and are co...

It's truly all in your mind. Possible/ impossible, easy/hard, yes/no. We are the creators of our own realities. We build stories that can either wall us in, keep dreams at bay, or be a bridge to beautiful growth.  What if, just for today, you turn everything you've ever held on to as hard truth into nothing more than your biased perception of one tenth of a story or a situation? How would that change your approach, your reaction, your understanding of someone or something?  I am continually challenged to do this by a few key people in my life, and it's difficult, and it hurts, and it's ugly discovering all the parts of me that are scared and insecure and holding on to old stories and patterns. But then there is that glimmer of light, that hand holding through the darkness, that soul searching together that elevates my awareness and capacity to deal with uncertainty, complications, pain and sadness.  It could be easier just to play small and shut down instead. But...

I was listening to the Tim Ferriss podcast on Fear today - which lines up nicely with my resolution to be fear(less) in 2018. When I say fearless, I actually just mean living more comfortably in the space of feeling fear, and not actually eliminating fear from my life. Avoiding fear does not serve me, so I must find a way through it, not away from it. So, what are the most common fears all humans struggle with? I think they can be separated into 3 simple categories: Fear of Failure - not getting what we want Fear of Rejection - not being good enough Fear of Uncertainty - not having control So, how do the world's most successful, brilliant, serene minds handle these fears? (I have taken liberties and paraphrased their messages.) Failure   I haven't failed, I just haven't won this time around. - Richard Branson Rejection Every "no" is a redirection to something better, a new opportunity you're not aware of. -Maria Sharapova Uncertainty Nothing ventu...

I've been watching Vampire Diaries lately. I am fascinated, in an almost obsessive way with the concept of a humanity switch that you can turn on and off. When on, it enables you to feel everything (the pain and the joy, the love and the hate). When off, you go through the motions without any remorse, compassion, attachment. You seek pleasure but feel nothing deep. You can be free of whatever haunts you. It's not exactly eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, because you remember, you just don't care. In your darkest moments, when you feel all the worst things life can bring (fear, pain, sadness, disappointment, loss, unrequited love) and you want to shut it all off - what prevents you? Is it the love of another? What can trigger you back to feeling it's all worth it? What makes you struggle to hold on to hope and kindness and love even when you feel incapable of forgiving? When you feel unable to move on? What prompts you to put one foot in front of the other when ...

Say beauty Say inspirational Say pleasure and delight Say admiration Say it fits, say compatible, say connection Say euphoria Say perfection Say bliss Say intimacy Say soul-gazing, vulnerability Say kindness and thoughtful care Don’t say circumstance Don’t say fear Don’t say time Say regret Say opportunity Say next life Don’t say goodbye Don’t say goodbye Don’t say goodbye Say friendship and laughter Say energy Say electrical touch Say sharing Don’t say love Don’t say love Don’t say love Say new opportunity, Say fresh start, say honesty Say respect and maturity Say I see you, I feel you, I miss you Say it hurts Say forget, try and mean it Say acceptance, don’t believe it Say grief Say why? Say it’s you Say it’s me Say it’s choice Say it’s ok Don’t say hope Don’t say hope Don’t say hope Say entwined Say endless Say meant to be.

"Life is a series of choices, and when you pursue one passion, you let go of another. There’s a certain sadness to that." - Galit Breen  We do not always have a choice in taking a different path. Sometimes it is out of our hands.  A person we love dies, or moves away, or a relationship ends that was not your choice. Other times, it is us who move out of our comfort zone and create totally new realities for ourselves.  The point is, every path not taken holds a beautiful possibility. And we can become attached to that possibility.  I think it's natural that we grieve dreams and fantasies and visions for what we thought or hoped would be. We need time and space to accept and mourn the loss of ideas as much as the loss of people or things. And in our hearts, we may always hold a little bit of hope that somehow, some way, that future might unfold, in an unexpected way, while accepting that right now, it is no longer possible.   

1 st dimension of communication – the literal meaning of the words, face value 2 nd dimension of communication – the emotional subtext, feelings and positions in the interaction 3 rd dimension of communication – mindful direction of steering the conversation towards safety or conflict In relationships, good communication means: Being present eliminating distractions being attentive attuned to your partner Listening to understand not listening to respond clarifying reflecting back Asking for more asking for more details not rushing taking it deeper Establishing connection creating safety regulating emotions reducing conflict

All these critics on LinkedIn claiming they only want to hear your story or insights "when" or "after" you've gotten to x age, worked for x years, done x, experienced x, etc... They say they don't believe in labels like "disruptor" or "influencer" and yet are perfectly fine throwing out labels like "entitled" and "lazy" when it comes to anyone under 30. YOU, my dear, judgmental critics, are the reason young people chase empty goals that bring no more fulfillment than they brought you. External validation and achievements are nothing. What matters is WHO you are, what you stand for, how you treat people and approach the world. I am here to say, you are worthy now. Not when, not if. As you are right now is valuable. We can learn from everyone. Not just those over 40 or those with MBAs or those who have a multimillion dollar empire. The beauty of humanity is there is inherent goodness and wisdom in each of us and we ...

The biggest wisdom to come out of my year of awakening has been to cultivate a deeply reverential relationship with myself. I almost think of it as loving myself the way I would want a lover to. I have learned to treasure and cherish myself. Instead of waiting for someone else to come and comfort me, I discovered a joy in nurturing my own needs. I have become unspeakably kind to myself when I'm hurting or needing or feeling too much. And I make time for myself - I make my needs and my wants and my dreams a priority. I had read and heard about "self-care" "self-love" "self-compassion" and intellectually, I thought I understood it but it seemed I was never quite able to turn these words into actions. Finally, after struggling with seeking these things externally and not receiving them, out of sheer necessity, I just started doing little acts of love and kindness for myself. I've placed an enormous amount of emphasis on improving myself so that ...

Do you find it difficult to get over a particular hurt? Is it crushing when someone disappoints you? Do you want to move on and forget but find it impossible to do so? Do not be hard hearted. What if you were the one who erred? How would you want others to react? Are you considering the hundreds of good things someone did before their big mistake? I like Brene Brown's analogy that in each relationship we have, all the positive interactions are like marbles being placed into your jar, and each negative interaction is a marble being taken away. When dealing with issues in a relationship, I've found it's often best to confront the other party by disclosing the story you are telling yourself about a situation or a person and allow them to respond before you decide to react. And in overcoming a hurt, it's best to look at the state of your jar of marbles - if they are taking out more than they are putting in, then you are justified in your lack of forgiveness. But if...

Do you have someone negative in your life that you find difficult to deal with? Someone who starts conversations contemptuously, expecting you to ignore their tone or criticism and respond nicely?  Someone who brings up negatives far more than positives?  Someone who looks upon everything with cynicism and makes snide sarcastic remarks? Let's face it - you're dealing with someone who is plain rude and mean. If you can't cut them out of your life (as in, they are family or coworkers), what can you do? Other than: 1. React and create more conflict or 2. Reach saintly levels of zen by pretending they are not getting under your skin? Here is the thing - we are all human. So while I'd love to say: be generous, forgive, understand, don't take it personally - we all know that is not always possible. It's great to try though, it will definitely build character! But setting boundaries - leaving the room, voicing that you don't appreciate their tone ...