Do good things for you

The biggest wisdom to come out of my year of awakening has been to cultivate a deeply reverential relationship with myself. I almost think of it as loving myself the way I would want a lover to. I have learned to treasure and cherish myself. Instead of waiting for someone else to come and comfort me, I discovered a joy in nurturing my own needs. I have become unspeakably kind to myself when I'm hurting or needing or feeling too much. And I make time for myself - I make my needs and my wants and my dreams a priority.

I had read and heard about "self-care" "self-love" "self-compassion" and intellectually, I thought I understood it but it seemed I was never quite able to turn these words into actions. Finally, after struggling with seeking these things externally and not receiving them, out of sheer necessity, I just started doing little acts of love and kindness for myself.

I've placed an enormous amount of emphasis on improving myself so that I can give myself and the world the gift of the best possible version of myself. To do that, I need to create time for myself: to read, to journal, to take some time outs from meeting the needs of those around me. Without it, I can't be the best me. And the world needs me to show up at my fullest.

I took time to book all my dental, eye, physical checkups recently. I booked myself a massage bi monthly, set up appointments for the salon and renewed my gym membership. These may seem trivial at first glance, but when there is no one to hold you accountable, do you schedule things for yourself? Or do you intend to do it and never get around to it?

I spent some time really thinking about who I am, who I am not, what I want and what I don't. And then I accepted all those things about myself. I embraced them. Even the parts I didn't particularly like. Especially the parts I wanted to change. And I loved myself for all I am and everything I am not, for all I've done and been through. It was cathartic and it came with a valley of tears - but it was so incredibly worth it because I realized I was worth it. As I was. At this moment. Not later, not when I do this or get that. Just me. Now.

I treated myself - to nice dinners, to snacks, to clothes, to time with friends. AND I DIDN'T FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT. AT ALL! I treasured myself. I loved myself. I spoiled myself.

I started meditating. Not caring about the outcome or how well I could stay focused. In fact, I wasn't even sure I was doing it right. It didn't matter. I just did it. Then I started adding yoga to my meditation routine. And I just loved being with myself in the silence, hearing my heart pump as my body moved in graceful ways.

I stopped apologizing to everyone for everything and instead just said thank you. I also said NO. A lot. And it felt good. It was hard at first. But now it's easy and I wonder why I ever said YES to so many things before.

I started saving money. In a big way. Because I decided my dreams are worth it. Everything else can be cut down. But my dreams require me to save. And it made me feel like I was getting closer to my dream with every dollar that added up.

I got out of my comfort zone. It was terrifying and exhilarating. I was vulnerable in situations where the uncertainty would have made me shut down before. I leaned on people that I would have been afraid to trust before. I tried new things. I left people and places. I changed my job. I changed my mind. And I survived. I thrived. I learned and grew and became so proud of myself for getting through it all.

I spoke my mind. I posted deep things that mattered to me on social media. I put myself out there. I shared my feelings. I cried and admitted it. I loved and admitted it. I lived!