Live your best life

To be able to trust yourself, you've got to stop betraying yourself for the needs and opinions of others.  Kids come into this world knowing this, instinctively. Kids are not interested in what the world wants or thinks. They will wear stripes and dots and rainbow colours - all on the same day - because that is how they feel, with no regard for how their parents or classmates will perceive them. Kids will tell you with complete certainty that they DO NOT LIKE BROCCOLI and they don't care how nutritious it is.  The problem is some parents cannot handle their child's authenticity. It makes them worried, or insignificant, or helpless. To soothe their own anxiety and insecurity, parents may try to control their child's behaviour or convince them to think differently. Because children want to preserve a good relationship with their parents, they will conform, even at the expense of losing their sense of self.  Therefore as adults, to regain your lost self, and bec...

Any parent knows nagging and lecturing will never result in others taking responsibility. By criticizing, complaining and threatening, you're training others to function in response to you, not to become self-empowered. All you can do is outline your boundaries and allow others to make choices. By empowering yourself, you empower others. That's what brings true serenity. 

You're Tiffany's,  not Goodwill.  Know your worth,  then add tax.  If someone can't  or won't  pay the price of admission  into your life,  you don't go chasing them  or offering discounts.  You recognize that  they're not your target market.  That doesn't mean you  change your value proposition  to better suit their needs -  but you may need to  rethink your go-to-market strategy  and select better prospects. 

Don't fight your anger. It's got something important to tell you if you'll honour it by listening. You are never wrong for feeling angry and no one can tell you when anger is valid; it depends on your personal values. What we usually struggle with is manifesting that anger constructively. Anger serves to push you to make a change for the better in your life, your job, your relationships, your well-being... It's not an excuse to rant, rage and act resentful. An emotion is uncontrollable but your response is your responsibility.  At some point you'll have to stop blaming the things you said or did on mercury being in powerade.. :) You don't need to make excuses for your anger if you honour yourself and respect others.  But respecting others is about HOW you express your anger, it is not about stuffing it inside and only allowing it to come out in small, bitter doses of passive aggressiveness. You're entitled to your feelings and you are allowed to ...

When the unimaginable happens, there is no right thing to say, nothing to be learned, and no reason why it happened. There is room for only kindness and the slow path forward. We share the pain and the grief of our friends to make every moment that follows a bit easier than the last. We stay in hope for them, when they are in despair, and we do not rush their process. We simply hold them when they cry. That is all we can do. 

This beautiful human, one of my dearest friends, and a recent bride, is about to become a mother today (latest tomorrow). Over the past 9 months we've had many conversations about family, parenting, discipline, attachment, happiness and success.  How do you raise a child that's well-adjusted and well-prepared for an unknown future? How do you become a "good" parent? I think there is a natural tendency for most of us to correct, fix, and problem solve when it comes to our kids - but I'd argue that approach is not only less effective, over time it tends to alienate children. Punishment of any kind creates resentment, diminished trust, rebellion, and sometimes even revenge. Some children are defiant, others retreat into themselves and suffer, others lie and hide.  By validating a child, you allow them to be separate and different, and show them they are still loved and accepted.  Good parenting might be as easy as showing up to a f...

Change often begins with a teardown of the way it used to be and the person you used to be. It can be challenging and long and even painful. Preparing a new way takes time. It will be a while until the new path is ready and until you are ready to head out on the new path.  You will need to nurture the little desires along the way to get to the deep desires that will shape your path forward.  And I do not refer to change for the sake of change here - that is almost always a self-image issue. Either you're unhappy with yourself and trying to change to 'be worthy'. Or you're trying to change due to external pressures, because others are unhappy with you and you want them to perceive you as 'worthy'.  First off, you're worthy, as you are, simply because you exist. You need prove, achieve nor demonstrate anything to yourself or anyone else.  Secondly, the only sort of change you need to accept is the change that occurs as a natural result of life expe...

This is what regret looks like... We all worry we won't make the 'right' choice when faced with hard decisions. What's right for us may not be right for others, but we are always looking for objectively 'right reasons' to justify our choice. The inconvenient truth is, we define our own reasons based on who we want to be and what type of life is meaningful and fulfilling to us. The alternative is we drift through life, avoiding hard decisions and letting external factors or people choose for us. We do what we feel we 'should' do and feel a bit empty, or maybe resentful, or just plain disappointed with where we are. We long for the ice cream but can't or won't give up the popsicle; out of fear, insecurity or pragmatism, we deny ourselves the things we want thinking we might grow to appreciate the things we have that clearly don't work for us.

Her form-fitting dress Burning crimson passion His faraway stare A welcoming distraction Such tightly woven threads Tapestry of frustration Her fingers seal her fate As he pines in admiration Hear how she sighs Look how he stretches What's behind those eyes? Hopes, those evil wretches. Half sick of shadows Twice ripped apart Now there is tar Where once there was heart. There's still a glimmer From a glittery past She yearns and lies He answers too fast. How languid the yawn How honest the laugh When once they wrote sonnets But now, love's epitaph.

The first one hurts enough To teach you self-protection The second helps you grow up And try a new direction The third is meant to last And bring illumination. But if it falls apart And leaves you lost and broken It still revives your heart And cracks your life wide open.

Head on a platter, Wreath on a skull. Rolling tobacco, Noose left to burn. Saved up old letters- And a blue satin dress- Are all that is left Of the vanitas death. Rise up from the ashes! Buried in the sand, Broken pocket-watches Tell time at the end. Candles have blown out The moralist story- No life without worry, Memento Mori.

Last night, I was drinking only red On the edge of a hotel bed With a man who thinks he knows me Tonight, I'll go across the street Buy us some cigars Cause I don't want to be lonely.  Lately, I've been playing all these games Is it sad or is it sick? Because there's no escaping this I know it's only a distraction. But I close my eyes And I see deep green, and ocean blue My toes are sinking in quicksand I better wake up before he can Catch up to me  He screams my name And I wish I could be  Free.  This time, I said I wouldn't run But the walls are closing in,  And I'm stuck inside this story Next time, I'll be smarter and I promise  That I won't let it get this deep because  I know there is no glory- In the end. Right now, I wish I could go back Cause its harder when you know What you want is what you lack. And your heart remains a glow Long after it's been broken. Still I...

If your friends don't go on random and extravagant adventures with you just because, are they even your friends? 15 years of friendship with this booger and it's been all mimosas and musicals, with a heavy helping of high teas. Who knew that making fun of white pants and dancing to the Spice Girls during frosh week would turn to long nights drinking bubble tea and watching Gilmore Girls, inaccurate assessments of sexual orientation in sociology class and hours upon hours spent in movie theatres. Daughter of the original inspiration to go big or go home, star of the one play I ever directed, and my Sephora consultant (unpaid), I've driven 4 hours one way to hug her when she was heartbroken. From ski trips with Svetlana and braying Le-ons on the bus, to days spent wandering around tourist attractions, we've experienced winter wonderlands in England, rollercoasters in Canada, popsicles in Central Park and road trips to wine country. Who would have thought ...

I am not medicine, to be taken in doses at your whim I am not something you use to make yourself feel better I am not designed to make you happy. I am neither a security blanket Nor a floor mat, to be used and discarded. I am not your saviour, So do not place me in a tall cage and call it a pedestal. I am not decorative My worth is not up for negotiation I am not an amusement park Or a blank canvas for your ego to paint upon I am not a punching bag for your self-hatred I am not a ship adrift at sea that you must anchor. I will not be your project Because I am not broken and you do not need to fix me. I'm not in need of your good advice. My development is a result of my life experiences Which is neither stopped nor propelled forward by your words Your persuasion will not change me Your love will not raise me up or tear me down Because I am not missing pieces that you need to fill. I cannot be outsourced to process your difficult feelings Your...