Live your best life

Never have I heard as much apologizing as I do in a crowded, public women's washroom. We apologize and preface everything we say with an air of undeserved worth and it needs to change. The Kavanaugh hearing made us all angry. And yet, how many of us are willing and able to stand up and fight for ourselves and all women? We need to start socializing girls to understand that their needs are just as, if not more important than those of others. And to fight for those needs to be met. Respectfully, with dignity and strength and firmness. We need to help girls practice asking for what they want fearlessly in order to raise women who can develop identities separate from peacemakers, relationship seekers and nice, well-behaved ladies. We need women to rediscover their inherent value and act like it! I think it starts with speaking up. I've been reading "A woman's guide to successful negotiating" and they suggest it all comes down to confidence, preparation, being convin...

Things women don't need to apologize for: Asking for what they want and need Stating an opinion Asking for clarification Disagreeing with others Saying no Their success You would think all of these would be a given. But sadly, we don't all wake up thinking "I'm great, I bet everyone wants to hear what I have to say today". KPMG did a study on women's leadership and they sadly found most women feel confident asking for help and more training than for opportunities.   This is partly due to the way in which we were socialized. Unfortunately, we were taught that suppressing our individuality, our ideas and our abilities would make us fit in, be liked and be perceived as "nice". It's hard to now flip the script and say, well, being nice is not going to get you ahead. And I'm not talking about suddenly encouraging everyone to be a bitch. I'm talking about cultivating a set of characteristics that men were raised to em...

My professional goal for 2018 is to improve my ability to influence. This is a tricky attribute for me, because in the past, I've misused it, misunderstood it, and then, as a result, tried to avoid it altogether. So part of the challenge of using my influence, for me, is accepting that influence can be a positive trait. Influence is not being afraid to ask. Influence is not saying "no" for someone else before you've even asked.  Influence is curiosity. Influence is winning friends, not using people. Influence is connection. Influence is listening more than talking. Influence is vulnerability.  Influence is challenging others. Influence is story telling. Influence is asking for help when you need it. Influence is making other people feel good. Influence is using your abilities and knowledge to help others. Influence is not about ego. Influence is not a bad word. Influence is making an impact on the world.

I am reading Meditations, by Marcus Aurelius and I just had to share this paraphrased bit because it's basically a 5 step guide of how not to do life. The soul of man does violence to itself when: 1. it becomes a tumor on the universe (separating itself from the oneness of nature and becoming a burden) 2. it turns away from anyone or moves towards another with the intention of injury (as in anger) 3. it is overpowered by pleasure or pain 4. it plays a part, doing or saying anything insincerely and untruly 5. it is aimless, thoughtless, careless and without reason or purpose.

Authenticity is one of the biggest buzz words around and I think at this point, no one is really sure anymore what it means, only that we’re all supposed to be it. Does it mean being unapologetically you, even if you are an asshat? No, that would mean lacking empathy and consideration for others. Does it mean putting all of you out there for everyone at all times? No, that would mean you’re not protecting yourself in the way you deserve to be cared for. Does it mean perfection? Never doing anything wrong, never hurting anyone, and never hurting yourself? No, that doesn’t exist and striving for this is the exact opposite of authenticity. What authenticity really is, is telling the truth, at the right moment, in the right way, to yourself and to others. It stands to reason then, that one does not need to be perfect, one needs to be honest and kind. You see, if your main objective is to be perfect and well-liked, you will have to lie. You will try to so...

Sometimes “good” doesn’t feel “right”, not because it isn’t, but because we’ve learned to search for struggle and instability and pain and try to solve it so we can heal, so we can feel like we're good enough to overcome it.  What no one talks about is we’re not usually ready for “good” until we’ve worked out those issues.  The thing we all need to discover in this life is: everything we need is already within us.  We are complete and capable of cultivating love and joy wherever we are. We don’t need someone unavailable or inconsistent or difficult to 'choose us' to prove that we’re worth it.  Partnership is about finding someone who mirrors the best of you: someone who has character and knows how to cultivate love and joy.  It’s not about fixing something broken w ithin you, or filling a void, or making you feel better about your insecurities. It’s about two people coming together and choosing to give and receive, to love and to grow.  A g...

This is so important and it's so complicated. On the one hand, you don't want to be a closed-hearted person. You want to be the type of person who is sowing seeds and planting flowers, because that is a beautiful contribution that will change the world for the better. On the other hand, how many times can you watch wilting, dying flowers before getting discouraged and never wanting to plant them again? So really, the trick is learning where to plant the flowers. Where is the soil fertile? Where will the flowers get enough sunshine? Where will they have someone to carefully tend to them? And possibly the biggest challenge of all is finding a tribe of people who will go out there and plant flowers with you. These will be those who will comfort you, encourage you, and help you - who will work side by side with you and tend to your flowers as you tend to theirs.

On compassion: With awareness, comes understanding With understanding, comes compassion With compassion, you stop looking for perfection (in yourself and others) And instead, you seek connection. Play and fun are only possible in an environment with established safety, trust and respect. Fondness and admiration coupled with mutual respect make more of a difference than all the communication skills and psychoanalysis in the world. In life, you don't get what you give. You get what you are. Emotional availability can only happen when there is reliable interdependence, and both partners committ to the following principles: Believe you are loveable and worthy of affection. Make your partner's needs and feelings equal to yours. Give up your secret life / backup plan. Take action to make your partner a priority in your life. Learn to control your emotional impulses to create distance / to pursue closeness in unhealthy ways. Share your feelings, dreams and fears. T...

New beginnings are not as hard when you've been through a few of them.  As my wise 2nd grader said this morning: "I was new last year. This year I'm old."  Watching my own child grow up, as well as going through various challenges myself, I now have so much confidence in the individual ability to experience setback, feel hurt, fall down and be pushed to reflect, be inspired to learn, evolve and grow. Ultimately, we can all get stronger and better, so whoever you are reading this, whatever you are going through, please know this: The best is yet to come. You will only get better.  All that's required of you is a good attitude and an open heart. Don't lose faith. Don't close your heart. You will get everything you have ever dreamed of and more.

The 7 spiritual laws of abundance 1. The source of abundance is infinite 2. Whatever you want to receive start by giving 3. Money is the exchange of values 4. Money is the result of spontaneous creativity 5.  Intention and attention is all you need 6. Key to abundance is letting go 7. Purpose of life is progressive expansion for everyone The 7 spiritual laws of love Attraction = Authentic Infatuation = Enchantment of ordinary world Communion = Contact of souls, basis of trust Intimacy = creative energy, uniting into one Surrender + Non-Attachment = relinquish ego, there is no separation, the miracle outside the self Passion = elevated reality in life and in love Ecstasy = original state of creation, spirit that flows through love The 10 keys to happiness 1. Listen to your body's wisdom which expresses comfort and discomfort and follow its lead 2. Live in the present. Keep attention on the here and now. 3. Take time to be silent, to meditate. Pay attention t...