Authenticity – what it is, and what it isn’t

Authenticity is one of the biggest buzz words around and I think at this point, no one is really sure anymore what it means, only that we’re all supposed to be it.

Does it mean being unapologetically you, even if you are an asshat?

No, that would mean lacking empathy and consideration for others.

Does it mean putting all of you out there for everyone at all times?

No, that would mean you’re not protecting yourself in the way you deserve to be cared for.

Does it mean perfection? Never doing anything wrong, never hurting anyone, and never hurting yourself?

No, that doesn’t exist and striving for this is the exact opposite of authenticity.

What authenticity really is, is telling the truth, at the right moment, in the right way, to yourself and to others.

It stands to reason then, that one does not need to be perfect, one needs to be honest and kind.

You see, if your main objective is to be perfect and well-liked, you will have to lie. You will try to soften the blow. You will make something up to make someone see you in a better light. Not only will this start destroying any connections you may have built with people, you’ll also end up abandoning yourself in the worst way because you'll start to think you're not good enough just as you are, with your complicated feelings and your difficult parts. You think others won't accept you, and so you reject yourself too. 

In this way, you’ll start to become really concerned about living up to other people’s expectations of you. And you’ll be forced to keep lying because you won’t be able to measure up. You’ll have to do so much pretending, you won’t even enjoy the activities or the people you’re doing this for. Your performance will cause you so much stress and anxiety, you won’t really be able to perform any longer.

Authenticity is hard, but ultimately it makes you feel better about yourself. It says you are valid, your needs and thoughts deserve to be expressed; not to harm others, but in order to live an honest life that respects you and others. If you’re trying to please others but your heart is not in it, or you're holding information back, that is disrespecting them. If, to avoid hurting someone, or avoid having a tough conversation, you lead them on, you’re disrespecting them. But worst of all, you’re disrespecting yourself. So just tell people what you mean, but do it gently.

Ultimately, we can all agree, despite the temporary pain of disappointment, it is better to be hurt by the truth than comforted by a lie.