Live your best life

The problem with life these days is we walk around feeling disconnected, dissatisfied, disengaged, disappointed, disillusioned and discontented - but instead of allowing ourselves to feel it, figure out why and make a change, we all bury the feelings inside, we hide our thoughts, and medicate, overcompensate, work too much, distract ourselves with technology, shopping, food, alcohol, 'fun'... Essentially we spend all our energy trying to pretend everything is fine and wondering why it's not working. We try to fix or hide the symptoms instead of asking what caused them so we can actually address the problem.  Sometimes it is something so terrifying we don't want to admit it to ourselves, let alone others: that our life no longer resembles who we are, regardless of how noble and upstanding that life is. In that case, I hope you find the courage to make a change, and be true to yourself.  You can't sleepwalk through life and hope everything will be ok. Find...

After this week's attack in Toronto, we are all struggling with the feelings of anger, grief, frustration, a bit of hopelessness, maybe even despair. It's terrifying that we can't always 'stay safe' and there are no guarantees that something drastic, tragic and unexpected won't  affect our lives. But what if control and certainty were not the things we focused on? What if we concentrated on being fully alive and aware and awake right now - with appreciation and gratitude for each moment - instead of worrying about what will happen next or replaying what was? If you can live and love with a full heart, and if you can't, if you are brave enough to make a change right now, then fear and sadness won't have such a hold over you anymore. This is true freedom and peace of mind. This world is not ours to rule. But this moment is.

You'll constantly be faced with the choice between love and fear in your life. It will show up at every crossroad. It will be in the people you choose to keep around you. It will be in hardship, in daily experiences, and in major life choices.  To choose love means to be brave. You have to find the strength to be vulnerable when you'd rather hide. Love means to open up when you'd rather shut down. Love does what is right, what is beautiful, what is kind. To choose love means to take the path that is harder. It means to follow your heart. To love is to listen to your inner wisdom. Love is pursuing your deepest desires, despite any hardships, obstacles or external consequences. Love is pushing past the barriers within and without in order to live authentically, truthfully, uniquely. It's not as easy as choosing from fear. Fear is essentially a mechanism of self-protection. But every time you make a choice out of fear, you need to know it comes at a cost. When fea...

Whenever something shocking, tragic or upsetting happens around me, because I've had the misfortune of experiencing it multiple times, I have had to devise a strategy to cope, that does not numb me to pain, but allows me to process it and enables me to transform. I try to be more mindfully present - taking everything in, not taking anything for granted, cherishing all the little tiny things we can so easily miss, and paying very close and focused attention to the people I am the most attached to. I find gratitude - a rampage of gratitude will heal your heart. I like to do a loving kindness meditation in the hopes that the sheer emotional power behind my positive thoughts will cause a ripple effect out into the world. So today, as we struggle to come to terms with the fact that yes, tragedy does strike at any moment and anywhere - this does not mean we should live in fear. Today, I remember the things I am grateful for and treasure them, knowing nothing is a guarantee in life....

You cannot deny your soul's calling and expect to live a meaningful life You cannot replace the love of a soul with the love of an appearance You cannot replace peace with a comfort zone You cannot substitute unconditional love with a relationship You cannot take certainty and call it security You cannot love another unconditionally Without loving yourself But you can learn to love yourself Through the unconditional love of another You cannot be fully alive and ignore the pain, the joy and the sorrow You cannot overcome fear by avoiding the things that scare you In vulnerability we are conquered by love In competition we are conquered by power You cannot silence the yearning for something more And expect you can ignore it without the universe stepping in to shake things up Until you are forced to take notice and make a change You cannot earn love If you do, it isn't love Love doesn't hurt If it does, it isn't love You cannot hide and ever feel ...

Connection is made of resonance and collaboration. RESONANCE "What we call chemistry – whether it’s romantic or professional – is actually more of a resonance, a matching of signals and personal vibrations. Our personal energy moves outward from us and connects with others of like resonance, determining both whom and what we’ll attract in life. Each of us is like a little radio station, constantly broadcasting signals about our self and our life. The people and situations that match those signals are the ones that will tune in to us and be drawn into our life experience." There are three major ways that your personal resonance is created: Through your emotional energy, or the vibrations of your feelings Through your cognitive energy, or the vibrations of your thoughts Through your physical energy, or the vibrations of your body COLLABORATION The second part of connection is fostering a culture of loving collaboration. When interacting with others, there are thre...

Be yourself Go ahead and say the wrong thing! Be boring. Be too much. Improvise! Change the script. I love mistakes - Let's learn from them together I'll play with you, I'll make it up with you. We can venture outside No matter the weather. Are you worried? Let's take your mind off of that. Are you anxious? I know something we can do about that. It's ok, You're welcome here. Come as you are. Be nervous and acknowledge it. Be shy and share it. Care too much - We love that here Are you feeling negative? Come tell me all about it. Are you filled with joy? Let me feel you feel it. Less 'shoulds' and More of you. There is a space I hold for you, No matter what Kindness is always true. Wanna dance around in your underwear? I'll join you. Wanna take a trip somewhere new? I do too. There's magic in you: I hope you feel safe enough to express it.

Lectures and guilt trips and conflict, oh my Escalations and degradations We just can't see eye to eye One of us starts and the other continues There's no escaping the cycle One is flooded, the other's a genius When neither one heals and hurt can't be soothed Heart gets left behind To follow your mood Around and around No one can win. We're too defensive Caught up in blame It's too aggressive To overcome the shame Where is forgiveness? Is kindness lost? This isn't good for us This isn't right Let's call it a day Instead of starting a fight. What about joy? How about fun? Has love been forgotten For the sake of tales spun? A perfect picture With a murderous soul All of these parts Do not make a whole.

You'd love it here. You'd love the 90s music, the hipsters, the chipper servers and the rustic decor, with the exposed pipes and unfinished wood. You'd enjoy the artisenal coffee and the British history documentary projected on the back wall. You'd get a real kick out of the guys in hoodies with their headphones on, and the girls in newscaps, with their laptops that have the funky designs. I could picture you paying particular attention to the older lady with the chic reading glasses, perusing the newspaper that's sprawled all over her table. I miss sharing moments and people watching with you. It makes me even more sad that we can't share the big life stuff as it happens, because we're so awesome at it. I miss being with you every day. It's so hard to live in this new reality characterized by distance and separation, where there was once intimate closeness. I feel like I take you with me everywhere I go. You're always on my mind. You're always...

People like us end up together We both know it's true Every moment lasts forever But never long enough A friendship turns to passion Laughter leads to lust. In every movie, every book When you find the one you trust It bears to take a second look If you can start to dream together And your feelings synchronize. When you feel the void, the dark, the pain But whispered dreams can mesmerize They use words like meant to be, For people like us, who are Always finding our way back To the one who feels like home Together is the only time we don't feel alone. We are the people who successfully Mix respect and safety With creativity and play We are the ones they write about We overcome all odds We are the inspiration With our hearts and eyes wide open.  How comforting to discover deep relief When we connect it's healing Just breathing next to you Feels more real than anything This joy is spiritual. What a surprise to find We can talk ab...

Guilt is conscience Shame is hiding (your deepest longings) -Esther Perel Is it wrong to feel restored in the arms of another To find solace and connection When you do not keep it for you, selfishly But bring it into your life And restore those around you Is the fountain that feeds your soul Forbidden still If you become the fountain That feeds others We stay with those we love  And mourn the loss of desire We want warmth and safety But long for passion and freedom There can be no shame in what is good Even if there is guilt that the source of it is not found at home. Where you are the protector and the saviour You cannot be the man whose wildest needs will be met By another, a different, an equal. Where you are bound by duty and comfort You cannot be the woman - the temptress, the dynamic self Who is free to pursue her selfish pleasure With your terrifying, intoxicating match. Too much conflict is draining, but they say Safety is knowing everything...

When you're afraid of what you might cause, it can cripple you from action When you're afraid of what your words can do, you'll find solace only in silence If ever you find a big hole where your heart used to be Just know that's the price that you paid For turning your back on your humanity.

On what would have been her 90th birthday, an inspirational woman is being remembered all over the internet. Maya Angelou wrote  that love liberates; it frees the lover and the beloved. Art, like love, liberates. It is a great reminder that whatever you do, your life is your art.  Don't allow anyone to withhold your freedom to express yourself. When you know what you want, do it, because you can. Forget fear - it will be overcome. Forget ego - love is more powerful. Forget the voices of others - it is not their life.  Don't discount your feelings, don't repress your desires. Life is short. Love and be liberated to create a beautiful existence.

What was the moment when everything changed? When I awoke, I saw the world with new eyes. What I stand for What I want to stand for And how I want to live Were no longer carved into the stone I carried on my back. The stone itself was lifted. And I arose. But I didn't answer your question. The moment, and there was one Was so moving and inspiring That it made me go back and Analyze if everything I ever thought I knew About life, love and people Was ever true at all. There was a moment So simple and yet revolutionary When you allowed your humanity to rule. When you saw pain And were moved to relieve it When you recognized loneliness And wanted to alleviate it It was thoughtfully deciding Against reason and logic Against societal constraints Risking everything To be there for another in need. It was supernatural grace, That - I could believe in. When you held me through the night The space you expanded in my heart Was in direct proportion to the st...

That must sound like an oxymoron. Who's ever had a "good fight"? When is a difficult conversation ever pleasant? I know it sounds crazy, but it is possible and I've experienced it! A good conflict discussion happens when these things are evident, regardless of the topic at hand: PRESENCE - We're both paying attention, being open minded and open-hearted, genuinely interested and curious, fully focused and immersed in the interaction. ATTUNEMENT - I'm mindful of what I'm thinking and feeling, and what that means; as well as mindful of what you think and feel and what that means for you. It requires effort not to react to behaviour, and instead try to understand the deeper hopes, longings, desires, fears, feelings and perceptions each person brings to the table. That effort is made possible by deep feelings of mutual affection, respect and safety. RESONANCE - Allowing someone's internal world to influence yours. I am changed because of you, and you ...