Live your best life

All wonderful relationships take effort - mutual, reciprocated effort.  You both need to choose to be kind, to communicate with love, to be appreciative, to react patiently, to be romantic, to play and have fun, to advocate for each other's needs, to collaborate, to be fully present. These are all things you can learn and practice. These are all the things marriage therapists hone in on and try to develop in a couple .  Some go further and try to re-connect people by fostering safety, building trust and deepening commitment.  But underneath all these actions there must be a powerful motivation that prompts you to do them.  We are evolved mammals - we need to be not only extremely biologically attracted, but humanly compatible and spiritually connected to someone in order to have a fulfilling relationship.  When life circumstances and needs change, when growth and redirection happens, the ONLY thing that remains is connection .  Connection is the x ...

The pursuit of happiness sometimes gets a bad rap, usually from those who haven't had the happiest of lives, those who think happiness is beyond their control, and occasionally from judge-y psychotherapists who think having happiness as a goal is unrealistic, ignoble and immature. I personally think there is nothing wrong with expecting happiness in this life. After all, it's your life, and if you want to be happy 95% of the time, then you should go after that goal. I would go one step further and insist that in order to live authentically, and because happiness is your life vision, you have a  responsibility  to make it happen.  Here are some tips on how you can build a happier life: 1. Notice, savour, elaborate on, and remember high quality connections with people - namely, those interactions that leave you feeling more alive and passionate, with a renewed sense of vitality. 2. Loving-kindness meditation. Love yourself better, love others better. Make time to ...

You're probably scared in that place. Your physiology will sometimes put you in a state of fight or flight or freeze. Recognize it's hard to be in this state. You're triggered and you have to deal with it. Breathe. Take time out. Exercise. Soothe yourself. Come back into balance. Next, discover the energy of the Self. If you're feeling emotional and aren't clear, or are grasping for truth and certainty and creating more and more tension, that means there is a Part of you that is taking center stage. It's probably something from your past when things were hard. Self energy, on the other hand, is all about compassion, creativity, courage, curiosity, clarity.  Have an inner conversation with yourself and bring forth the Self energy. Finally, find faith. Despite what has been, you can make it through. The best is yet to come. Nothing is insurmountable. Have faith in yourself. Have faith that life will work out. Don't lose the willingness to fi...

It's not easy to apologize. Harriet Lerner says humans are wired for defensiveness. "It's hard for humans to take clear and direct responsibility for what we have said or done or not said or not done without a hint of blaming, obfuscation, vagueness, excuse-making, and bringing up the other person's crime sheet." It takes motivation and good will and a genuine wish for a better relationship. Don't let shame, fear and anger prevent you from repairing a hurt. Similarly, if you're seeking an apology - don't overdo it, don't overtalk it, don't hound after it with criticism and blame. Let the other person know they hurt you, do not judge their intentions and give them a chance to respond. So what makes a good apology? Finally, don't apologize if you don't mean it, or if you're not able or ready or going to change your behaviour.

Every once in a while, You have one of those days That discourages you It brings you down It makes you question What you're doing Where you're going Who is on the journey with you My best response to these kinds of days Is to give myself a big mental hug And remind myself That I am a f*cking magical unicorn I will make it through I am meant for greatness My love is strong enough to overcome this day I am always growing and learning Nothing ever stays the same But being in this space on your own It's hard It hurts You wish there was someone to love Just as strongly, right beside you Because as much as we like to think we can do this on our own We think this life is about individual salvation The reality is, we are all connected We experience growth and awakening and joy Through relating We exchange energy and that exchange is either magical Pure Bliss Or it's down in the dumps disheartening So the work is to stay open Because your hea...

Way back when I had my first encounter with spirituality, I was inspired by the words of a young man who seemed to me, at the time, much too smart for the amount of religiosity he subscribed to. But he won me over with these words: "If you do the ordinary things exceptionally well, imagine how you will do the very big things." That was tangible to me. I understood excellence. As a chronic overachiever, who always wanted to do more, I stopped to think briefly that maybe I just had to do things better. My perfectionist side took this to an extreme and I obsessed over every little mistake I was to make in the coming years, but that led me to a number of other encounters, challenges, tests and lessons that brought me closer to the truth. Now, older, hopefully wiser, but infinitesimally more compassionate and enlightened, I understand this to mean being mindful in all the small tasks of the day, as they contribute to your overall successes. The more you can master responding out ...

(Stealing this one from the Manulife Health Benefits articles I have access to through my work) A child’s happiness starts with a firm foundation of love, security, and self-esteem. Here are some thoughts from child care experts that will put you on the right track as your child grows. Every child should feel special and appreciated.  Making a child feel real special contributes significantly to the child’s self image, confidence, and resiliency. An adult who focuses on a child’s strengths, while not ignoring a child’s problems, can make a big difference to his or her current happiness and future developments. Set aside special times during the week to be alone with your child and focus on activities the child enjoys, allowing him or her to display special strengths. Help develop problem-solving skills.  Self-esteem goes hand-in-hand with a child’s ability to solve problems, whether big or small. Get in the habit of discussing day-to-day problems that your child may enco...