Live your best life

I've always been organized. I like the order of planning things out, determining the most efficient way of doing as many things as I can and being productive without being overwhelmed. People have told me my system is impressive. I am more impressed by people who manage to get the daily business of life completed without a systematic approach, because they seem to wing it without any stress. (How do they remember everything?!?!) Here are some of my tools and life hacks that help me stay on top of work, home, social and other responsibilities. I hope they help you too! Daily to-do list I swear by this. I even make a tiny square next to each item so I can check it off and feel the satisfaction of completing the task. I make my list the night before and that allows me to sleep peacefully. New additions or requests get tagged on to the bottom of the list and if they are important, I will prioritize, otherwise, I don't kill myself trying to complete someone else's ...

Top 5 regrets people have on their deathbed:  “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.” “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.” “I wish I had let myself be happier.” “I wish I’d had the courage to express my true self.” “I wish I’d lived a life true to my dreams instead of doing what others expected of me.” So basically, that tells me people should play, laugh, and have more fun! Follow your dreams and your passions - you can't go wrong, after all, it's your life. Who but you, knows better, what your soul longs for?  The best people will inspire and encourage you to do more of what makes you happy and fulfilled. If you have the great fortune of spending your life with someone who brings you joy and helps make your dreams come true, be grateful and appreciative every day. 

My 6 year old noticed that princess stories all center around marriage and "finding the right man". If she understands that is a myopic view of life (because "what if you want to do something else, like be a surgeon, or start a business, make art or travel around the world" or "what if you marry the wrong person and don't live happily ever after") then it's high time we change the narrative that little girls hear. We need better role models and better hero stories. We need to open up better opportunities and teach girls about knowing, honouring and loving themselves. We need to encourage growth, contribution and meaningful connection - not ridiculous stories about love at first sight based on external beauty. At the very least, if we are going to focus the literature of young women on relationships, let's focus on the workings of secure, authentic partnerships instead of 3 day chance encounters that turn into everlasting happiness effortles...

...and I'll tell you who you are. I love laughing and dancing, so Ru Paul and I have that in common! I love sitting down or walking with someone, coffee or tea in hand, and having a conversation that either sets my soul on fire or soothes my soul. I love snuggling up with a book, fire on, soft music in the background, and luxuriating in the experience. I love having a pen in hand, when I can't keep up with the words running through my mind and the rush of inspiration creates a frenzy to put it all down on paper. I love the feeling in my body when I'm doing yoga, and meditating - when my soul is connected to the universe with a million silver strings and yet, I feel like I'm floating freely and nothing can touch me. I love the energy that is exchanged when two kindred souls encounter each other and share a human experience. I love to travel - trying new things, seeing new places, meeting new people. I love the inspiration it brings. I love food: sweet, savour...

Friends are the most important people in the world, next to your family, because your friends are people you CHOSE to experience and make sense out of life with. And I'm not talking about the girls you like to go clubbing with, or your workout buddy. I mean, the people you call when you're lost, and need someone to remind you who you are, what you want and where to go from here. Friends are the people you call giggling with a story because you know they will find it just as funny! Friends are the ones who celebrate with you when something really freakin amazing happens: like you got a new job, you're finally going to make that dream trip happen, you're engaged, you finally dumped that asshole, you just found out you're pregnant. Friends know what to say, and when they don't, they stumble through some version of what to say and you love them even more for it. They are the ones who squeal with you in excitement, who genuinely rejoice in the good stuff, and are co...

It's truly all in your mind. Possible/ impossible, easy/hard, yes/no. We are the creators of our own realities. We build stories that can either wall us in, keep dreams at bay, or be a bridge to beautiful growth.  What if, just for today, you turn everything you've ever held on to as hard truth into nothing more than your biased perception of one tenth of a story or a situation? How would that change your approach, your reaction, your understanding of someone or something?  I am continually challenged to do this by a few key people in my life, and it's difficult, and it hurts, and it's ugly discovering all the parts of me that are scared and insecure and holding on to old stories and patterns. But then there is that glimmer of light, that hand holding through the darkness, that soul searching together that elevates my awareness and capacity to deal with uncertainty, complications, pain and sadness.  It could be easier just to play small and shut down instead. But...

I was listening to the Tim Ferriss podcast on Fear today - which lines up nicely with my resolution to be fear(less) in 2018. When I say fearless, I actually just mean living more comfortably in the space of feeling fear, and not actually eliminating fear from my life. Avoiding fear does not serve me, so I must find a way through it, not away from it. So, what are the most common fears all humans struggle with? I think they can be separated into 3 simple categories: Fear of Failure - not getting what we want Fear of Rejection - not being good enough Fear of Uncertainty - not having control So, how do the world's most successful, brilliant, serene minds handle these fears? (I have taken liberties and paraphrased their messages.) Failure   I haven't failed, I just haven't won this time around. - Richard Branson Rejection Every "no" is a redirection to something better, a new opportunity you're not aware of. -Maria Sharapova Uncertainty Nothing ventu...

I've been watching Vampire Diaries lately. I am fascinated, in an almost obsessive way with the concept of a humanity switch that you can turn on and off. When on, it enables you to feel everything (the pain and the joy, the love and the hate). When off, you go through the motions without any remorse, compassion, attachment. You seek pleasure but feel nothing deep. You can be free of whatever haunts you. It's not exactly eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, because you remember, you just don't care. In your darkest moments, when you feel all the worst things life can bring (fear, pain, sadness, disappointment, loss, unrequited love) and you want to shut it all off - what prevents you? Is it the love of another? What can trigger you back to feeling it's all worth it? What makes you struggle to hold on to hope and kindness and love even when you feel incapable of forgiving? When you feel unable to move on? What prompts you to put one foot in front of the other when ...

Say beauty Say inspirational Say pleasure and delight Say admiration Say it fits, say compatible, say connection Say euphoria Say perfection Say bliss Say intimacy Say soul-gazing, vulnerability Say kindness and thoughtful care Don’t say circumstance Don’t say fear Don’t say time Say regret Say opportunity Say next life Don’t say goodbye Don’t say goodbye Don’t say goodbye Say friendship and laughter Say energy Say electrical touch Say sharing Don’t say love Don’t say love Don’t say love Say new opportunity, Say fresh start, say honesty Say respect and maturity Say I see you, I feel you, I miss you Say it hurts Say forget, try and mean it Say acceptance, don’t believe it Say grief Say why? Say it’s you Say it’s me Say it’s choice Say it’s ok Don’t say hope Don’t say hope Don’t say hope Say entwined Say endless Say meant to be.

"Life is a series of choices, and when you pursue one passion, you let go of another. There’s a certain sadness to that." - Galit Breen  We do not always have a choice in taking a different path. Sometimes it is out of our hands.  A person we love dies, or moves away, or a relationship ends that was not your choice. Other times, it is us who move out of our comfort zone and create totally new realities for ourselves.  The point is, every path not taken holds a beautiful possibility. And we can become attached to that possibility.  I think it's natural that we grieve dreams and fantasies and visions for what we thought or hoped would be. We need time and space to accept and mourn the loss of ideas as much as the loss of people or things. And in our hearts, we may always hold a little bit of hope that somehow, some way, that future might unfold, in an unexpected way, while accepting that right now, it is no longer possible.   

1 st dimension of communication – the literal meaning of the words, face value 2 nd dimension of communication – the emotional subtext, feelings and positions in the interaction 3 rd dimension of communication – mindful direction of steering the conversation towards safety or conflict In relationships, good communication means: Being present eliminating distractions being attentive attuned to your partner Listening to understand not listening to respond clarifying reflecting back Asking for more asking for more details not rushing taking it deeper Establishing connection creating safety regulating emotions reducing conflict

All these critics on LinkedIn claiming they only want to hear your story or insights "when" or "after" you've gotten to x age, worked for x years, done x, experienced x, etc... They say they don't believe in labels like "disruptor" or "influencer" and yet are perfectly fine throwing out labels like "entitled" and "lazy" when it comes to anyone under 30. YOU, my dear, judgmental critics, are the reason young people chase empty goals that bring no more fulfillment than they brought you. External validation and achievements are nothing. What matters is WHO you are, what you stand for, how you treat people and approach the world. I am here to say, you are worthy now. Not when, not if. As you are right now is valuable. We can learn from everyone. Not just those over 40 or those with MBAs or those who have a multimillion dollar empire. The beauty of humanity is there is inherent goodness and wisdom in each of us and we ...

The biggest wisdom to come out of my year of awakening has been to cultivate a deeply reverential relationship with myself. I almost think of it as loving myself the way I would want a lover to. I have learned to treasure and cherish myself. Instead of waiting for someone else to come and comfort me, I discovered a joy in nurturing my own needs. I have become unspeakably kind to myself when I'm hurting or needing or feeling too much. And I make time for myself - I make my needs and my wants and my dreams a priority. I had read and heard about "self-care" "self-love" "self-compassion" and intellectually, I thought I understood it but it seemed I was never quite able to turn these words into actions. Finally, after struggling with seeking these things externally and not receiving them, out of sheer necessity, I just started doing little acts of love and kindness for myself. I've placed an enormous amount of emphasis on improving myself so that ...

Do you find it difficult to get over a particular hurt? Is it crushing when someone disappoints you? Do you want to move on and forget but find it impossible to do so? Do not be hard hearted. What if you were the one who erred? How would you want others to react? Are you considering the hundreds of good things someone did before their big mistake? I like Brene Brown's analogy that in each relationship we have, all the positive interactions are like marbles being placed into your jar, and each negative interaction is a marble being taken away. When dealing with issues in a relationship, I've found it's often best to confront the other party by disclosing the story you are telling yourself about a situation or a person and allow them to respond before you decide to react. And in overcoming a hurt, it's best to look at the state of your jar of marbles - if they are taking out more than they are putting in, then you are justified in your lack of forgiveness. But if...

Do you have someone negative in your life that you find difficult to deal with? Someone who starts conversations contemptuously, expecting you to ignore their tone or criticism and respond nicely?  Someone who brings up negatives far more than positives?  Someone who looks upon everything with cynicism and makes snide sarcastic remarks? Let's face it - you're dealing with someone who is plain rude and mean. If you can't cut them out of your life (as in, they are family or coworkers), what can you do? Other than: 1. React and create more conflict or 2. Reach saintly levels of zen by pretending they are not getting under your skin? Here is the thing - we are all human. So while I'd love to say: be generous, forgive, understand, don't take it personally - we all know that is not always possible. It's great to try though, it will definitely build character! But setting boundaries - leaving the room, voicing that you don't appreciate their tone ...

Here are some signs that indicate it's time to move on - because no amount of change will "fix" the relationship: 1. Instinctive avoidance. Without realizing it, one or both of you find yourselves trying to limit the time you spend together. 2. Taking pleasure in their failures, foolishness, and mistakes. Where there is no more compassion, there is little to save. 3. Focusing on the negative. If you have a difficult time finding appreciation and finding positives in their character or behaviour, your sentiment overrride will be near impossible to reverse. 4. Exaggerated response. Do you blow up and assume the worst at any little thing they do? Or vice versa? If you can't see things clearly, if fights constantly blow up out of proportion and you find yourself frequently on the verge of an explosion - this is unhealthy and unproductive. Why would you want to live your life this way, regardless of how much you or they care and how much you've invested into the...

A strength is an unique inner ability - and it's worth pursuing to excess. Practice makes perfect. Stay on your strength's path and you will experience the most possible success.Write about it. Talk about it.  Enjoy it. So how can you identify a unique ability vs a skill set or even a weakness? Incompetence – regardless of time or effort, results are poor Competence – good enough, but there is competition out there doing it much better Excellence  – superior skill but no passion Unique ability – superior skill and passion A strength has some identifiable characteristics: 1. Listen for your yearnings. What pulls you?  What are you instinctively attracted to?  What has you thinking "I'd like to do that".  Know that the yearnings of others may influence you - but they are not YOUR yearnings. Separate the trappings of the success of something vs the actual desire to do it. 2. Watch for satisfaction. Note those experiences where the em...