Live your best life

I am a big fan of Super Soul conversations. This morning I listened to Oprah's conversation with Gloria and there were so many little gems that resonated with me that I need to capture them here for my future self (or you, my audience, if you're out there reading this). "You don't ask small questions." I can't begin to explain how deeply I relate to this. I am not interested in small talk, I am not good at it, and it leaves me feeling empty. I will ask you something big that we could potentially connect over, or you will slowly disappear from my life, because if we can't do that, you bring no added value. "I'm a hopeaholic... with skepticism, because that helps inform where to spend your energies." If this isn't the biggest truth discovery of my 30s, I don't know what is. I see the world as a friendly place. I see possibilities and I have hope for the future. But I am not an idiot, and I am not blind to the defects. I just choos...

I've spent a lot of time thinking about this and I finally heard something that resonates with me and provides a perfect definition and differentiation. Compromise : when you willingly do or do not do something out of love, and it does not cause you to feel bad about yourself. Self-betrayal : is when your action or inaction essentially says to yourself that you're not worth  protecting, and worse, that you're no better than those who hurt you. Self-betrayal leaves you feeling drained, it costs you your power, and causes you to lose the integrity of who you are, and it just doesn't feel right on the inside. I leave you with some brilliant quotes from brilliant minds who have pondered self-betrayal as well:

Ok... I have some beef with our current cultural obsession to "commit to joint growth". Here's why: -we don't all bloom at the same time -we should not be expecting people to keep up in order to keep the relationship. Just commit to being kind, compassionate and loving and you may find joint growth is unnecessary. When people feel that they can grow, and they feel valued and valuable, and they feel safe -- they'll stay with you forever. You choose to love a soul, not a facade, not a set of benefits, not an idealized image of a perfect future. That means you not only accept them as they are, you celebrate what they are and treasure them for it. You don't pressure them to grow with you. Sometimes I think this push for joint growth is just one person outgrowing something and desperately needing the other person to change so they don't feel like the relationship has failed. It's ok to want something different. It's ok to grow apart. It's ok to...

The days continue to pass by. One by one, ordinary and out-of-the ordinary. I do not feel them, to tell the truth. I just notice time moving by. I look up and there is another month gone. I remember reading. I feel time pass while I meditate. I have a sense of the world around me as I sit on a picnic table in the parkette outside my office, eating lunch. Sometimes time freezes or even moves backwards, especially when I listen to music. I feel disconnected. If you were to look at my calendar you would see how busy I am. There is always something to do. Activities, fun, friends. But it does not touch me. Not anymore. I am untouchable now. When I play with Rielle the time goes unnoticed. We laugh and talk and play and make meaning out of nothing. When she cries and I hold her, I can almost feel time again. But I don't do that anymore. I make small talk now. I back away when people try to get closer. I don't mean to, it's just an automatic reaction. And yet, there is peace....

What looks like it's standing in the way of your destiny, is actually preparing you for your destiny. I've heard it said that people often encounter their destiny on the road they took to avoid it. I believe that. Your destiny has been inside you all along. You won't escape it and it won't escape you. But there are certainly choices you can make to get out of your own way. Often it's things like overcoming fears, discovering what makes your soul sing, and living authentically.

Don't worry, this will not be an extensive post. In fact, it can be summed up in just a few words (which is, incidentally, how my husband likes to have all of our "touchy-feely" conversations): Under-promise. Over-deliver.  Now, I may not like him very much for this lesson. In fact, it may be hurtful sometimes. It  may be disappointing not to hear the words I want to hear. It may limit my possibilities. It may make things harder. But, I can honestly say that it is one of the few things I can look back and be grateful for from him. Not speaking empty words. Not making promises one doesn't intend to keep. Not saying one thing and doing another. At least, I have known what to expect. It has not always been pretty (and that's the understatement of the century) but I always know when I am promised something, it happens. Always. So while it hurts not to hear all the things my heart longs for, I am also never fooled into a false sense of security. And that is s...

If someone were to tell you in advance, you'll get everything you ever wanted and more out of life, but first, you will face struggles and pain, would you say, "No, thanks. I'd rather not have it"? Have faith that you are right where you are supposed to be. Things unfold at the right place and time, always. What you are hoping for right now will be replaced with something better in the future. And the best is yet to come.

The checklist childhood, the checklist career, the checklist marriage, the checklist life... Ordinarily, I'm all about checklists - but they only help you get things done, they don't infuse any joy or magic into life. And sometimes, they're more about control and achievement than anything you might really want. Let go of the checklist mentality and you will see if you should still be holding on to anything you don't actually want. Sometimes the most beautiful moments and experiences are a beautiful, unplanned surprise. When you become fully open to anything, you might just be devastatingly moved by something. You may find yourself fully immersed in a moment... You may let go of fear and embrace unexpected change... You may stop looking for certainty, and instead.. You might just start living.

Summer is always my time to re-connect with my daughter. The pace is slower, the weather is conducive to good moods and renewed energy. We have more time to spend together, and there are more opportunities for engaging in meaningful conversations and new experiences. Naturally, as we navigate the ever changing landscape of needs and wants, personality and values, I ask myself what my guiding parenting principles are. What am I hoping to achieve? This helps me narrow my focus on important goals, but also, reminds me to delight in and savour certain moments. Certainly a big part of parenting is teaching, but an even bigger part is sitting back and reveling in the wonder that is another human being growing up and making their way through daily life. I try to be a conscious parent. I try to think of why I react a certain way, or why I feel the need to have my child behave a certain way. I try to empathize with all the emotions and behaviours my daughter engages in, too. I am reflectiv...

I do not know the little things I am there no longer I have not heard the latest news Or if it made you stronger  But I still recall your deepest dreams And the shape of your soul For that I do not need to be there Or hear your voice at all I am not here but my heart is I do not speak but I still think I am not with you but all hope is I do not touch but feel the link

My main concern right now is figuring out who is viewing my profile in private mode. Just kidding. I'm currently wondering whether or not, in the process of trying to close the gap between who we are and who we want to be, we are actually abandoning and rejecting our true selves. Why don't we choose lives that help us thrive instead of struggling to survive outside of our element? Humans are weird. The idea that we can make anything work for us as long as we want it enough is so flawed. Certain things are meant for you, and you'll recognize them by how easily they flow. Others will be crosses to bear until the bitter end. Sticking it out searching for that light at the end of the tunnel is probably the most absurd notion of any being who knows it has a finite amount of time to pursue life, love and happiness. You thought it would be a light one because it's a long weekend, didn't you? Philosophy minor and rebel millennial - can't social media properly.