Live your best life

I always think I'm fine, until I see you again, or speak to you: until you're close. Sometimes, I can feel you. A memory, a sound, a taste and I'm transported back to you. And then, my body responds to you on a cellular level. I come back to life, to feeling, to euphoria and pain. The air between us is heavy with the burden of all the words left unspoken. We pretend, you and I, and we are far too good at it. We lie to the others but we've even succeeded in convincing ourselves we're ok. Of course, I think of you... All the time, even when I don't reach out. To forget you would be to forget the best of me, all I ever wanted to be. See, it's like this. I was crouched over, sitting in the darkness, in a corner of the abandoned home that imprisoned me. I was just rocking back and forth, holding myself tight, holding myself together, for fear if I let go, every piece would fall apart and I would come undone. You must have heard my cries and mistaken them fo...

Successful attachment involves a relationship dynamic where the needs and wants of security AND exploration are consistently met, where there is joy, resonance and co-regulation. Perfection is unnecessary, what matters, rather, is that ruptures in connection are quickly reflected upon and repaired. Your own attachment from childhood will undoubtedly affect your ability to parent, but awareness will allow you to steer your own experience in a different direction, if you choose. The reality is, as with any relationship - the objective of parenthood is to create a meaningful and consistent connection between parent and child. That means kindness when needed. Firmness when needed. Help when needed. Independence when needed. Laughter when needed. Empathy and the ability to sit in uncertainty or emotional pain without trying to fix it, ignore it, distract from it or force it out. Love is being with another - not impressing yourself upon another, or allowing another to overwhelm you. As t...

I've noticed a new trend in professional and marriage advice: choosing growth over happiness. While I wholeheartedly believe in and encourage continuous improvement, I've got a PSA to make on this topic. You don't need to sacrifice happiness for growth - you can and should choose both. In fact, it's essential! Here's why: - There is no trophy to win at the end of your life for deferring happiness in favour of growth - whether it's financial or personal. Your only reward comes in the present moment - so if you can't choose happiness now, you probably won't be happy later . Which leads to my next point.  - If you’re waiting for happiness to come as a consequence of growth, you’ll be forever waiting , because at which point will you have done "enough" growing? -Putting off happiness, even for something as noble as growth, is actually an indicator that 1. you're living out of fear and insecurity that you're not good enough and 2...

I won't promise perfection. I promise that after a fight, or a hurt, or a misunderstanding, I will reflect on it, from your perspective as well as mine. I will try to be humble, knowing I won't ever have all the answers. I will remember we are both human and deserving of compassion, kindness and understanding - and that this matters more than anything else we are in conflict over at the moment. I promise to try first, and try again. I will make mistakes. I know I will drive you crazy, and screw up and I hope when you bring it up - you do so kindly, compassionately and with understanding - that I will have cultivated enough self-love, resilience and strength, that I don't get defensive and shut down, or counterattack. I will try to own up to my messes and not blame you for my failures. When we fight, I will spend more energy on listening to you and trying to understand you than I do on getting my own point across. I will try to bring 10 times more joy, laughter and po...