Successful attachment involves a relationship dynamic where the needs and wants of security AND exploration are consistently met, where there is joy, resonance and co-regulation. Perfection is unnecessary, what matters, rather, is that ruptures in connection are quickly reflected upon and repaired.
Your own attachment from childhood will undoubtedly affect your ability to parent, but awareness will allow you to steer your own experience in a different direction, if you choose.
The reality is, as with any relationship - the objective of parenthood is to create a meaningful and consistent connection between parent and child.
That means kindness when needed. Firmness when needed. Help when needed. Independence when needed. Laughter when needed. Empathy and the ability to sit in uncertainty or emotional pain without trying to fix it, ignore it, distract from it or force it out.
Love is being with another - not impressing yourself upon another, or allowing another to overwhelm you. As the parent, it is your job to teach the dynamics of such a love: of how to be together.
They will carry this example with them for life. Will they think love is an angry, impatient person that must be soothed through obedience, or a weak, manipulative person who cannot be escaped? If they think love hurts or love suffocates - a child's future relationships will be impacted. The more we concentrate on creating a secure attachment, the more of a chance our children have at future happiness and success - and secure relationships with their partners and children.
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