I always think I'm fine, until I see you again, or speak to you: until you're close. Sometimes, I can feel you. A memory, a sound, a taste and I'm transported back to you. And then, my body responds to you on a cellular level. I come back to life, to feeling, to euphoria and pain.
The air between us is heavy with the burden of all the words left unspoken.
We pretend, you and I, and we are far too good at it. We lie to the others but we've even succeeded in convincing ourselves we're ok.
Of course, I think of you... All the time, even when I don't reach out. To forget you would be to forget the best of me, all I ever wanted to be.
See, it's like this.
I was crouched over, sitting in the darkness, in a corner of the abandoned home that imprisoned me. I was just rocking back and forth, holding myself tight, holding myself together, for fear if I let go, every piece would fall apart and I would come undone.
You must have heard my cries and mistaken them for a siren's call. But I could never hurt you.
You came in tentative, and yet, unstoppable, pulled forward like a magnet. As you inched closer, my heart recognized yours, because I was made with the same hunger in my soul. Meeting at last, these two hearts began to dance, orbiting one another faster and faster in a blur, until one would be hard pressed to tell where one ended and the other began.
You picked me up off the floor, gently, carefully, tenderly. You set about the business of opening every window and every door until the light was flooding in, and every corner was exposed.
The sun warmed me, and the breeze blew softly in my hair. I smelled the flowers and the trees, I heard the blue birds singing. Your smiling face, your loving hands - these were all around me, everywhere.
And I could rest at last. I could laugh. I could have stayed in that moment, frozen in time, forever with you.
But suddenly you were gone, or gradually, I do not know. Only that the invisible string that connected us stretched further and further. I could not tug on it. You had given enough.
But I stood there wondering if I should shut every door and window back up again, or stand in the light, waiting for your return forever.
Look into my eyes and smile Follow me with your gaze Come and stand beside me Drink in my scent Graze my arm with yours And let yourself breathe out You're safe here by my side Talk with me about everything And nothing at all Laugh, and cry with me Share a meal with me Hold me close and cherish me. Touch my hand as we walk together Write me words of love Lose yourself in my embrace And find out what I'm worth Kiss like it's the first time, the last time and the best Take me away with you And show me all the rest.
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