Live your best life

How can you enter into a secure functioning relationship? That is to say, one in which you have each other's backs, you collaborate, there is mutuality, you protect each other and the relationship, and you do not hide anything from each other. The problem is, after meeting someone and experiencing attraction, most people want to rush to the comfort of commitment instead of taking the necessary time and steps to vet and audition potential partners. Then they fall in love and get attached, and it becomes difficult to separate - because breaking up and rupturing attachment is a huge, stressful trauma for most people. So instead, deal-breakers and warning signs are overlooked and people learn to live with a low-key stress that permanently colours their insecurely functioning relationship with frustration, resentment, unhealed hurts, anger and pain. The ideal for longevity and a well-functioning, happy relationship is to find someone with whom we can: 1. successfully manage distress ...

Pretzel sticks with black cherry yogurt make a great combination Compassion means reminding someone of their inherent worth when they forget, are in pain, or lost. Women should celebrate their ambitiousness and the willingness to put in effort to get what they want without men feeling scared and put off. Monica Lewinsky is still reliving the trauma or 20 years ago - I doubt Bill is. He probably processed it with his wife in therapy - she had no one to bear witness and rebuild with. Is rejecting the patriarchy a good reason not to have your father walk you down the aisle at your wedding? Why would someone make all the guests at her wedding eat vegan and gluten free just because she is? Does making extreme statements about yourself actually mean you're not yet able to delineate where you end and the world around you begins and so you place up dividers? Is this just an expression of ego and illusory separation where love and connection ought to appear? Learning how to love, remem...

What is it that draws us into the bubble of two people who seem completely in sync and attuned to one another? Why do we want them to be a couple so badly? Why are we unable to look away from their displays of passion and speculate about their feelings? The hopeless romantics out there (myself included) are all dreaming about a world in which this type of bond, or connection can be sustained over a 20 year relationship. I think even the realists out there would have a hard time disputing any subsequent relationship they each might have will not stand much of a chance in the face of 20 years of friendship, partnership and intimacy. Because that is what we all see when we look at Tessa and Scott. There is a level of intimacy that penetrates deeper than most people ever achieve in a lifelong marriage, let alone with their working partner. It is so powerful that it comes out without any words needing to be spoken. It oozes out of their pores and creates sparks upon contact. It's t...

My husband and I selected these words as the tags on the potted flowers we gave away to guests at our wedding. We were idealistic and young. But we also had a vision for what we wanted to experience in our marriage and in our lives. This, when all other things have changed, has remained the same. This kind of love does not come easy. Each of these goals must be worked at and practiced daily.  It's about choosing personal growth over the comfort of stability. It's about humility in the face of insult. It is about compassion trumping anger.  Love is not about what you get, and entirely about what you give.  At times, we have shown each of these traits - to ourselves, to each other, and to those around us. Other times, we've shown the complete opposite. It's a struggle to show up as the best version of yourself - so if you're doing it to get a reaction out of the other person, you might as well stop because it's going to fail.  This is an exercise in...

This morning on the radio, a man proposed to his girlfriend over the phone, while her coworkers listened in. After she said yes and her boss gave her the day off (and I vomited a little in my mouth), the man kept repeating: "I love you so much." "You make me so happy." "I want to be happy with you forever." Then the radio announcer played Ed Sheeran. Fairytale. I had to change the channel and fight the tears of rage. As someone who has been married almost 8 years, I can tell you with certainty, marriage is not a vehicle for happiness. Marriage is a commitment. It is an institution centered on stability. It is about family and security. Passionate love, delirious giddiness, and profound connection are more often the stuff of those prior relationships we can't quite seem to get out of our heads, that would never have materialized into marriage. That's not necessarily good, not necessarily bad. There is a place for everything. However, I find...

At our Global Sales Meeting last week, our president spoke about hope and habits . Success is dependent on having both. On hope - you must dream of something, you must believe that you will achieve greatness, and you must have a bigger picture in your mind than just what is happening before you at the moment. He illustrated this with the parable of the 3 bricklayers: Once there were 3 bricklayers. Each one of them was asked what they were doing. The first man answered gruffly, 'I'm laying bricks.' The second man replied, 'I'm putting up a wall, one brick at a time.' But the third man said enthusiastically and with pride, 'I'm building the most magnificent cathedral the world has ever seen.'" --Author Unknown I certainly am a big believer in envisioning success as the first step to achieving it. But what really impressed me is when he spoke about the power of habits: those things we do every day, or the way we go about our days. H...

You'd never know it, that after all the struggles, all the pain, the fears and the painful yearnings, everything you ever wanted would just come to you one day, settle into your heart, and show you how beautiful and easy life and love can be.  It's incredible when you finally feel the sort of joy that warms your heart, lights you up and inspires you to make the entire human race just a little bit happier, because you know how it can change the experience of life. It's when you are smiling like a giddy idiot and thanking the entire universe for allowing you to be so lucky that it strikes you - it was there all along. I was worthy of this all along. This was designed for me. And whether it lasts a year, a decade or a lifetime, how many people can truly say they were blessed with feeling the sort of love and happiness that marks you forever?  So don't ever give up - just take all the lessons and grow into a better person. What your heart longs for is there, just waiting ...

My most difficult lesson learned, after resisting for many, many, many, many (ya feel me?) years: until you can be ok with being uncomfortable and uncertain, you'll never be able to do anything great. That's because greatness is achieved in the pursuit of your wildest dreams - not the easy to attain, safe, uninspiring dreams. Naturally, the pathway to get there is fraught with uncertainty, fear, discomfort and opportunities to grow. Why is there no easy shortcut? Because moving up requires you to be a better version of yourself. You don't become that until you are challenged to find a way to live with and overcome pain, insecurity, and the unknown. The best example I can think of is: you can't learn to forgive without having someone hurt you.  So as you encounter obstacles along the way, and you feel tempted to give up or fall apart, just remember two things: 1. be kind to yourself (you're in a battle, on the journey to something incredible) 2. you get what ...

There is nothing more sexy than someone who is genuinely curious about the world around them. The people that keep an open mind and listen with the mindset that they can learn something from everyone and everything, even if they disagree, is probably one of the most attractive features in a human being. As a journalism grad, my innate curiosity propelled me towards an education aimed at teaching me the skills I need to research and learn. At the heart of journalism is the art of asking questions. And only through attentive listening, opening yourself up to be led somewhere you may have never been before, and having your way of thinking challenged or even changed, can you truly say you are a curious being. But make no mistake - this is not the same thing as being highly suggestible. Ever heard the saying "The man who stands for nothing falls for anything"? At a primal level, curiosity begins within. You need to get curious about yourself. Who are you? What do you think? How ...

You are responsible for your karma. You don't like that word? Ok.  What you sow is what you reap.  For every action there is a reaction. The bottom line is: All of your thoughts, words and actions begin a chain of cause and effect What does that tell you? That you have control over your own destiny. You create the energy surrounding your life You do the right thing, and let the rest unfold Keep your side of the street clean and your neighbours will follow suit.  If we approach life that way,  Then we know no positive action goes unrewarded There is no limit to what we can achieve and create. If you know what you want (set an intention) If you believe in it  (you feel it deep within) And you take action to ready yourself to receive it, IT WILL HAPPEN.  It's not about external reactions from others,  It's not about hustling to make something happen. You simply need the internal motivation and desire to propel you to take positive ...

Find the creators and create with them. Grow with those who help you grow. Surround yourself with those who inspire you, who conspire with you, who take your breath away. Don't be a victim, don't live off the scraps and breadcrumbs others offer. Givers must be careful not to let themselves be sucked dry by takers. You'll recognize takers as the ones who are there when they need you but never available when you need them back. They might be well-meaning, good people. They are most likely drawn to your light. But until they are ready to add value to your life and do the work to create magic and meaning, lovingly let them go. They can admire the fruit of your existence from afar.

Perhaps it's the age, or just pure coincidence It certainly makes no sense The experience of loss, of grief. They say death comes in threes It's terrifying to think of death as dominoes Is that just the way the story goes? All stories have an end And ends birth new beginnings How grimly comforting Start the gratitude rampage Hold your circle close again Find hope when you're afraid Someone out there will need your strength So don't let anything chip it away You'll live to see a brighter day Magnificent, isn't it? The shattered heart that's torn apart Pieces together when it can start To love, to help, to save. "Keep your heart free from hate, your mind from worry. Live simply, expect little, give much. Scatter sunshine, forget self, think of others. " -Norman Vincent Peale