Live your best life

In life you get: A. What you think you're worthy of receiving B. What you've mistakenly coded as "good" but is actually dangerous and toxic If you're not happy with what you've been getting, change one or both of the above.

Things that are sexy, in no particular order: a good sense of humour generosity reliability / consistency kindness self-motivation / effort vulnerability taking responsibility for your feelings and your life compassion paying attention Things that are not sexy: anger ego controlling behaviour victim mindset negativity complaining fearful living intolerance carelessness stick-up-buttness being rude Looks have little to do with this, other than, perhaps, the expression on your face.

The only people who choose safety over vulnerability are those who were previously vulnerable with the wrong people, at the wrong time, in the wrong way and got hurt. Safety is chosen over what one truly wants because it is easier to suffer the pain of losing the safe choice as opposed to losing one's first choice.

When you choose what is safe You will never suffer because Pain is bearable when you only 'almost' care But you will not know joy, or love Nor the kind of passion that enlivens you. That would be too scary - Because you dare not risk losing THAT. Instead, you will seek it around every corner In every person, and all around Because you have not given yourself The gift of the life you always dreamed of And instead you chose safety.

To understand one another and ourselves, we need the courage to be compassionately curious, that is, to become comfortable with not knowing while holding each other in unconditional positive regard. Without the acceptance of uncertainty, love is conditional - self-serving and manipulative. Everyone is so terrified of the core existential pain of life that we've all spent most of our life avoiding it. We believe that because we could not handle it as children, we can't handle it now. And this is so untrue. We CAN handle pain - but only with compassion. We cannot handle it alone, and we cannot handle it by resisting it.  When we compassionately handle our pain, we have no need to judge, withdraw, disconnect, criticize, get angry, resist, or turn to substance or process addictions. We bypass all the things we do that cause our suffering.