The boy who was (never) good enough

I may be off-base

But I think I recognize it

This desire to give

As a way to provide

Yourself with a pleasing identity.

A way to be loving

A way to be loved

Giving up your own needs 

For the sake of harmony.

Did you have a mother who was always sad?

Were you the one to delight her?

Did you face the pain of choosing a path

That took you away or made you unkindly?

Was your brother the asshole

And you didn’t mind it

Because it meant you could be the one

To fix feelings all around you.

And when you were older

Did you pick girls that reminded

You of the woman who was always demanding?

And did you feel good 

When you provided 

All of the joy that wasn’t inside her?

But when you messed up

Were you the same disappointment?

The boy who was (never) good enough

But couldn’t stop striving.

I hope one day you see

That you’re worthy of love

Without needing to give

Or be perfect.

Above all I hope you remember

When I gave you what you wanted

On that dreaded November.

Not what you needed, 

Not what was right

Simply what you thought

You had to do

To feel you were enough.

I hope you saw that you could be you

And still be loved

That you could choose your own needs

And put them above

All that I wanted -

I gave up for you

So that you would finally know

What it’s like to be loved

No ifs, ands or buts.