Live your best life

I only change for those who let me But they're too quick to forget me Already out the door As I want to give them more I'm only as happy as I choose But everyone tries to make me They're always trying to please me Instead of telling me what's wrong Am I too sentimental?  I don't ask too much.  Do I sound too certain?  They worry I will get resentful.  All the things they ask of me When in the end, I let it be I've never been one for convincing But they all say I'm a charmer It's only because I run warmer Than what they knew before I don't fake my emotions I'm no manipulator And if you got to know me,  You'd see I'm not a taker I don't fight, I won't fight I just laugh and I cry And I try real hard To make it look I'm alive.  Maybe I hide too much They can never tell my bluff I'm not misunderstood The moment they get me They're not sure if they should. Hope by hope I drip away Fading colour on my lips One by one I lose ...

I was a saint I was a lady I acted like none of it even fazed me.  I was everything you'd need. I was a soulmate I was a friend I could be counted on well past the end. I held your hand.  Don't blame it on me Because I still care I drink the pain You hide the sorrow That's how we make it until tomorrow You weren't there I didn't see you We never made it out that evening. Dark clouds above. No more bleeding rainbows, love.  Guy on the stage: I'm scared to see you I'm so deep in the well of disappointment I don't see a way out.  So don't put this on me,  Because I still care There's always hope There's always fear No sense in wishing we were still here.  You took the friends I took the house You wanted the fence At the expense Of our hearts. 

I've bled out all the colours No rainbows in the dark But when I hear your voice Frozen coals could spark I can't bear to be here but There's nowhere else to go I'd better take it slow  Where does it go?  Where did I go? If not here, then where?  If not now, then when? I keep coming back here, again and again. 

We’re a pair of parallel lines You’re just like me We’re on the same path But we don’t ever meet You talk to all my friends  but me I guess I’m not that nice after all You You’re in the house up on a cloud Me I’m on a mission.

I’m doing my best to Untangle the ropes Struggling to get untied I blame the ropes but Who would have rather died? You’re the punisher But I condemned myself Am I ready to stop suffering The pain I think I deserve? Am I ready to be free of it all Or is there more for me to unearth? Am I entitled to move forward Or have I trapped myself? I buried the truth and I locked up my feelings I am truly sorry I left you reeling... Unresolved.

It could be true that I’m heartless I know that I’m not easy to talk to So if I give you an out, Then baby, go on and take it If you give me your heart Chances are that I’ll break it Keep my name off your lips They were only good for a kiss How did I end up like this?

Sometimes I listen to the music we used to listen to And it makes me feel closer to you It's a full moon in the daytime sky Like the links we used to make My initials on your plates And Heyer on your mother's shelf The cameo around my neck The carving out in Montreal The scent of an exotic fruit And cherry cards... Going shopping at the mall And writing on a restaurant wall. You can call it imago  Or the universe in action Grief is a better excuse than attraction She calls it a problem with impulse control He says it's dumb romantic notions Poets and songwriters searching for signs Trying to make sense out of life After so many trips to Chapters Still nothing to read between The lines are down A minute longer is The expiry date on honesty Around the time it starts to get uncomfortably Close to reality. And if I saw you now I'd probably lose you in the crowd Then walk around all night at home In a daze and all alone.  So we can't be friends, but I needed a friend Not...

Kintsugi restores the beautifully broken. Flaws fill with silver or gold: imperfect! Embracing the history of honest healing. #haiku #kintsugi #japaneseart

I grip the earth with my toes and I swear I can feel the planet moving / the dips and grooves of uneven patches of grass make it hard to keep my balance. / I am planet surfing / riding the heat wave / while the wind ruffles my hair affectionately. / The leaves bow down to me and fan me in the shade / the butterflies kiss me. / I am here and I am alive / with the birds and the worms as my witnesses. / I am fleeting summer orbiting the eternal warmth of the sun.

The coffee is brewing I hear footsteps the door The meeting is starting Dirty clothes are on the floor The teacher is waiting  My boss is talking Put on your mask and go get the shopping Wave to the neighbours Call up your friends Spend endless hours  Asking when it ends Walk off the madness Sleep off the dread Sitting here writing While others make bread Be every woman And all before five Get in a workout Make up your eyes Time to make dinner Though you'd rather dine out Sip on a beer  And scroll til you shout The parks are now open but the playground is not The camps have been cancelled June has been hot Surrounded by papers and never alone The months feel longer the more I am home. 

I keep you alive in my memories You are trapped within the keepsakes I hear your laughter when I bake And your sighs have become mine When I rest in my comfy chair The way you used to do.

Challenging myself and the women I know to speak up at work without hedging, apologizing, qualifying or undermining for a week and see how it feels.  My aspiration is that one day women can simply focus on doing their work well without the distraction of people pleasing tendencies. I say this with full awareness and compassion for the deep roots of historical conditioning: when women lack physical, financial, or legal power, the approval of others is essential to survival.  But, careers depend on how you highlight your competence, not just your likeability.  So let's start with the way we talk. Let's look within and speak with confidence, knowing we have just as much right to sit at the table, to share ideas and to make meaningful contributions. We don't have to shrink and hide our brilliance to make others comfortable in the presence of a strong, intelligent woman.  #challengeyourself

They beat the slaves  And raped the housekeepers Then they kept their children away As if their own despicable actions weren't inheritable But the melanin rich skin could soil their lily-white hatred. First they used Then they abused And to justify their aggression They preached supremacy And black lives were oppressed Devalued, degraded, defaced.  They mocked the people  (Forced to smile at their master's cruelty) By painting their milky faces and burning blacks alive.  And when the panthers fought back They called them violent animals And accused them of counterfeit crimes.  Subversively they taught the people of colour To play the white game or be shot. Lack of opportunity was 'their own fault' And systemic discrimination meant 'try harder', 'be whiter' But the rules didn't allow for winning.  If the white people were outdone, it was 'affirmative action'. So they learned being voiceless was less dangerous Than making the white people uncom...

I am the angry woman I'm bleeding white-hot rage My fury of tears will drown you You should all feel afraid.  My tongue is poised for lashing My feet are here to crush My lungs are filled with fire I cannot stop the rush. My skin is scalding ashes  Of a burning, ember heart My words beat down like hail My screams are lightning darts. Watch me drink the poison And wait for you to die I am the angry woman But you all think I lie. 

Is it pride that keeps me silent?  I am disconsolate that loneliness Is the home I'll inhabit  Until I outgrow it Like the hermit crab,  Unattached And weighed down by  The things he carries In the shell he wears with pride. Or is it dread? Am I afraid I never mattered at all? Do I hold back because of how I might look to you: Foolish - like a love-sick schoolgirl Worrying that you don't care at all And that my fear and pride  Are unfounded and unreal Because I do not exist for you.  This was not my choice.  But you were never really here at all.  Now the tears.  Why should I suffer?  And yet, I cannot reason pain away.  I am still trying to outrun it As if going round in circles Means I'm moving on.  I could admit my own mistake And the madness that possessed me I could excuse it And anyone would understand,  I think. But I can't fathom why it lingers, Why I'm frozen and still bound By a grief that will not go away. ...

Loss is grief And grief is painful It makes you learn  Just what you're made of. You might grow  And you will change And your whole life could rearrange. But in the end You must decide Is it enough to just survive Or will you allow yourself to thrive? They could laugh And they might cry... Well, it's not on them  To save your life.  You may betray You could forgive It's for yourself  That you must live. 

Fellow white people... Staying silent for a day is not the answer ( #blackouttuesday ). It also doesn't help denying your own racist indoctrination. It is real. It affects your "black and POC friends" and it shapes the world you are part of. So talk about it - to your kids, to your friends, at work - until there is more understanding, more empathy and more inclusion. And then, start looking for ways to take action. What can you do to reduce the indoctrination of your own kids? How can you contribute to and support a positive movement in your community? How can you speak up for human rights at work? We are all responsible for creating the world we live in. #blacklivesmatter

Just when you think your heart can't possibly break further,  you come across one word  that shatters  the remaining shards you've been trying to collect  and glue together.  It's the smallest piece  that cuts  you deep  once  again.  The insignificant  leaves an eternal  impression.  One word  can carry the weight of gold  in meaning,  and you would be  the only one to know  how it holds you down.  You can't make people  love you,  and you cannot change  your heart.  You can only bear it  and let it tear you apart. 

This past decade, I did a lot. I worked for 5 companies, in 3 industries, in various roles. I got married, had a kid, and all that domestic stuff. I bought a house, a car, and all the grown up things, like furniture and appliances. I travelled to 13 new cities in North America and over a dozen international locations. I tried new hobbies and activities and challenged myself to have unique experiences. I lost friends and made new ones. My life was rocked by illness and death, and all the feelings that come along with suffering. I learned so much, and grew so much. My heart broke, and for a brief time, it was fully open and exposed and it was terrifying and thrilling all at once. I was disappointed and I discovered how to rely on myself. I lost myself and remembered to be more careful with my choices. I was happy and took notes so I could replicate it. I had to be responsible for another human being, so I matured quickly and did my best to become better for her. I loved and I laughed and...

To be able to trust yourself, you've got to stop betraying yourself for the needs and opinions of others.  Kids come into this world knowing this, instinctively. Kids are not interested in what the world wants or thinks. They will wear stripes and dots and rainbow colours - all on the same day - because that is how they feel, with no regard for how their parents or classmates will perceive them. Kids will tell you with complete certainty that they DO NOT LIKE BROCCOLI and they don't care how nutritious it is.  The problem is some parents cannot handle their child's authenticity. It makes them worried, or insignificant, or helpless. To soothe their own anxiety and insecurity, parents may try to control their child's behaviour or convince them to think differently. Because children want to preserve a good relationship with their parents, they will conform, even at the expense of losing their sense of self.  Therefore as adults, to regain your lost self, and bec...